Sometimes it takes some shaking up to remember the blessings that you have right in front of your eyes. I’ve been so focused on my little Nugget for the past seven months that I’ve managed to fall off of the “good-spouse” train. I’m not saying that I don’t feel proud of the good mother I’ve turned out to be (sorry to toot my own horn), but I’m a bit embarrassed at the partner, lover, and best friend that I’ve become. Embarrassed isn’t quite the correct word, but I can’t put my finger on the correct adjective to describe how I feel.
These emotions came about after my second fall off my bicycle Saturday night. I went on a 20+ mile bicycle ride in the mountains Saturday night with “the guys”, part of “the crew”. This is an activity I don’t allow myself to take part in often because I can’t bring myself to have someone watch Ilan for yet four more hours, at the least. Saturday night was an exception. My mom watched him while Josh and I rode the night into a very foggy Caballero Canyon and beyond.
My first fall happened after I decided that I could start cold on an incline. No momentum. What does this mean for those of you that aren’t experienced in the cycling or science field? Well let me just tell you what happened. I got on my bicycle, lost my balance, and fell into a shallow ridge. I scraped my elbow. Not too bad. My mind, emotions, and body were 100% intact.
Miles later, we were headed downhill at a speed that I’m not entirely comfortable riding, ok no not really, I’m just not the biggest fan of downhills especially in the mountains. What goes up must come down, right? I was trailing behind Josh when I hit the side of the dirt trail and popped off my bicycle ending up in some brush. Thank God that there was no edge to where I fell! I ended up landing my fall on my left knee. I was not able to move it right away. Imagine stubbing your pinky toe really hard on the corner of your bed. For those of you which have never experienced such pain, LUCKY YOU! The pain left me speechless. I couldn’t answer Josh’s questions. I really wanted to let him know I was alright, but I also really wanted to get some blood flowing to my left leg. Finally, I was able to respond, and as with every other fall I’ve had off of my bicycle, Josh was there as my knight in shining armor. The shining armor in this case was his reflective bicycle gear. This fall resulted in a broken spirit, emotional thoughts, and a very sore, scraped, and bruised knee.
All I kept thinking the entire ride home was how blessed I am to have someone so great by my side! “Great” encompasses so much and is a pretty big understatement. I’d let you know how awesome my fiancé is, but my list is pretty extensive, so just take my word for it.
Josh and I ended splitting off from the other guys. It felt like old times, him and I against the world. Josh couldn’t have put it better, we were on an adventure together. It made me reminisce on the days when we’d get lost on our bicycles, have to figure out a way home, and get home at four in the morning. Oh, when we were young! Correction: oh, when we were younger and didn’t have a beautiful baby boy.
Oddly enough, Saturday night was necessary for me. Those falls reawakened some feelings that seemed to have gone dormant in the craziness of learning what motherhood is all about. Maybe the fall didn’t break Humpty Dumpty. Maybe he was just misunderstood. Maybe, like me, he needed it to piece his love and appreciation for his best friend back together.
Please don’t get me wrong, throughout this new chapter in our lives (parenthood) I have always loved and appreciated my fiancé, but a refresher never hurts. My feelings are “keeping it old school” right now and it feels great!
Cheers to a blessed life together.