The break-up: Part I

As if this entire move hasn’t been enough change and stress on all of us, there is another stressor currently present in the equation.

I stopped pumping!

Ilan will be 8 months in a couple of days and I have worked my little butt off to keep breastfeeding alive this long. Monday was the first day that I left the breast pump at home. I have been prepping myself for the day that I would leave that machine behind for at least a few months.

After Ilan turned five months, I kept telling myself, “One more month, just one more month.” The 8th of each month would come, Ilan would be a month older, and I would find myself traveling to work with my pump like a little school girl with her notebook and pencils. Monday was different. I’d like to believe that I just forgot my pump and that I’d be traveling with it the next day, but I’d be in denial. I’d be back in the same position that I’ve been in for the last three months.

I have made the conscious decision to stop the pumping.

I told myself this day would come, over and over and over. I thought I would be mentally prepared, but during my first break at work, what would be my first pumping session, I felt extremely sad. I felt I had to talk to someone who would understand me. I phoned my sister and pretended I was jolly old me. For those of you that don’t know me, it wasn’t long before I broke down.

I let my sister know where I was with breastfeeding. I couldn’t have chosen a better person to support me with my decision. She empathetically said, “Sister, it’s a break-up. You’ve had a relationship with your baby and the pump for the last eight months. Of course it’s going to hurt! There are other ways of bonding with Ilan, though.” My sister went on to explain that there will be other ways to bond with my baby. I’ve heard this before during other moments of breastfeeding panic, but breastfeeding is my favorite way to bond with him. I let her know that he still tries to nurse by grabbing me and bringing his face into my chest, but there is very little there for him to enjoy anymore. My sister then made a good point, “Let him do it if it gives him comfort. Just because you stop breastfeeding him doesn’t mean you have to take away everything that is comforting for him.” So true! I’ve got one wise sister. If he wants to continue massaging my breasts with his fists, so be it. Of course, this will have an age limit. 😉

I feel extremely blessed that I was physically able to breastfeed my little Nugget this long. No regrets in any way, shape, or form.

Cheers to bonding with our children and/or parents into our old age!

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