The battle

Yesterday was another day where I found myself fighting off a group of sorrowful mental minions. I read the tragic story about little Ryan’s death and have been so distraught because of it. I just found out about the beautiful family, and to find out about it because of Ryan’s passing is just heartbreaking to me. Ryan and his parents have been a major part of my thoughts and prayers since I found out. Their family portrait is imprinted on the front lobe of my brain.

Tonight, I find myself extremely emotional. I find myself scared out of my wits about even the thought of thinking of imagining my life without Little Nugget (LN) or Josh. I find myself sad and grateful, and I’m crying because of the two. I am sad because of the tragedy that happened, and grateful for all of the love that exists in my life. The extreme emotions I feel are too much that they force tears out of my eyes. On top of it all, I had not seen LN all day because he and my better half were at a family function while I was at work. When they arrived home, LN decided that he did not want anything to do with me, and this was the beginning of a short-lived downhill battle.

Not too long ago, my better half went through the “the-only-person-I-want-is-mommy” phase with LN.  Oh how I loved always being the one he wanted. I can’t be definite in saying that LN doesn’t want me anymore, but he’s been a lot more needy for daddy lately. Daddy seems cooler than mommy nowadays. I want daddy to carry me! I want daddy to give me my bottle! I want daddy to put me to bed! Notice how those exclamations are not in quotations, this is because that’s what I think LN is whining about. Those were my duties. The duties that may seem tedious to those who aren’t parents mean everything to me. I was in tears. I wouldn’t doubt it if the neighbors thought it was LN crying, and do I even have to explain why?

I never thought the “the-only-person-I-want-is-daddy” phase would come so soon.

I am now knowing what my better half went through, and it sucks! The upside to this all is that Josh will never know what I went thought growing and carrying our child. Who won this battle?

Cheers to being grateful for everyday!


Please help Ryan and his family by praying for them. May Jacqui and Dan find comfort during this difficult time.
To donate to the family.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s