I’m sitting next to Josh as I type and conjure up this next post. It’s something about seeing him so focused on his work that makes me feel inspired. He gives me a motive to focus on something so beautifully myself. So, with that, here I am feeling all these feelings helping me to share the following.
With just hours away from turning twenty…I seriously still have to think about how old I am. I seem to have gotten stuck at thinking I’m forever 25 with the heart and soul of a 7-year-old. I think it was the fact that I turned 25 shortly after bringing Little Nugget earthside. I’d consider that an important and beautiful milestone to keep me at that age. Anyways, lets try this again. With just hours away from turning 27, I find myself chuckling at my last post about avoiding my birthday. What weeks (or I can also say days) can do to you. What I mean to say is, sharing that out – my fears, my questions, my doubts – really helped me reflect on where I am in life. Why I am in life. These are all great questions to answer from time to time, not necessarily to anyone, but definitely yourself. Facing your fears, whether they be emotionally, physically, or mentally, is only the beginning to something better.
Everyone has to start somewhere. I have probably tired those around me from how much I repeat this. It’s as simple as it sounds. The world’s best athlete started by not knowing a thing about their game. The world’s best midwife didn’t know the anatomy of a woman from day one; and the world’s best trained dog didn’t always sit on command. What I’m trying to say is, GO FOR IT! The way I’ve been able to move forward even just a little bit is by getting over myself. Getting over the worry I feel of sounding lame or being too loud and dorky. Otherwise, the worry of being my total and complete self. There is some regression from time to time, but if that weren’t natural and necessary then newborns would just fly out instead of being slowly pushed out by their mothers. Regression allows progression as long as the number of steps forward are greater than the number of steps backward. Did I lose you yet? My apologies if I did!
On a separate note, I have found the meaning of life. Well, mine at least. Growth. I have come to understand that growth is where the money’s at. Ok, not literally. Money in my case means happiness. (Not that it can’t literally mean “money” for someone else.) Putting time into reflecting and meditating every day has helped me see tremendous growth in many aspects of my entire self, and it has me feeling like I am ready to step into the realm of a 27-year-old human being. What does this realm entail? I don’t know, really, but I know that the 26-year-old realm was as awesome as the year before’s with a little bit of this and a little bit of that added. I’m excited for the amount of growth that my next birth year has in store for me and everyone around me. If I grow, those around me will grow.
I find it funny that I’m finally feeling confident about my becoming a year older the night before my birthday. God has a really funny sense of humor, and I love it.
Cheers to growing a year wiser!