There have been moments of surrender this week as well as moments where I can taste the sweetness of humble and positive satisfaction.
The surrender part came on Tuesday (laundry day). On this particular Tuesday, I was already exhausted and grumpy, and this was before getting to our loads of laundry. I am blessed to have my mom allow me to do laundry at her house instead of having to run up and down stairs to do it at my apartment complex. However, a con to this (as there are always pros and cons to E V E R Y T H I N G) is only having one washer/dryer available. This results in extended laundry time, and I still have to get home to prepare Little Nugget and I for the next day. (The beauties of being a full-time working momma.)
Anyways, as I was finishing laundry and looking forward to heading home, Little Nugget decided to open a bag of dry lentils. The result? Hundreds of tiny lentils scattered all over the kitchen floor. I didn’t even have the energy to scold Little Nugget. I knew he hadn’t done it on purpose. It was his simple curiosity that led him to open that bag, and I appreciate his curiosity, I really do; however, at that moment I was running on fumes. I mustered up whatever force I had in reserve to pick up the lentils, gather all of our belongings, and drive a crying Little Nugget home. Driving home, I turned up the radio and just absorbed as little as I could, feeling as little as I could, accepting that it was alright to surrender myself to motherhood, to God, to the end of that day. So I did. No guilt, no shame, no anger. I was just present. Almost zombie-like, but with the knowledge and appreciation that I was going home to a husband that could take over.
Tomorrow would be a new day, and with knowing that, I prayed that I would be allowed to wake up to the same people I love, and to make up for the kisses, smiles and “I love you’s” I had not given that pooping night.
The satisfaction part of my week came with the knowledge that I hold a precious “secret” all to myself (well, with the exception of our family members who we’ve shared the news with). Josh and I have decided to wait to announce our pregnancy, and I am enjoying every sweet second of it. Of course, there are moments of absolute excitement where I find myself on the brink of yelling the news to the world, but then I selfishly retreat with the biggest smile and hold tightly to this piece of news that will soon be exposed and will no longer only be mine to enjoy.
Cheers to the pros and cons to our every day!
– My nipples are getting itchy (TMI?), and my breasts are still sore. I remember this happening when I was pregnant with Little Nugget.
– I’m always thirsty.
– A few pull-ups and stairs here and there.
– I continue to stretch nightly.
– I don’t know how I haven’t mentioned that I am a regular visitor to the restroom. I pee a lot, and my bowel movements have been normal…thank God! (TMI again?)
– My back has been breaking out! Thank God it’s not my face.