A moment of revelation

A lot has happened since my last post where I expressed a moment of despair, and it has only been two days. Towards the end of my last post, I posed the question, “Is this the storm leading to a new revelation?” Well, it has.

Sunday afternoon/evening existed with the anxieties and worries as described in my last post, but after sharing these less-than-positive emotions with my online community, I felt a little less like giving up. I felt relieved. I had found a sense of support knowing that someone had read and understood my despair. I no longer felt alone, and this helped me push forward.

Sunday evening I had a childbirth class to teach that I almost canceled on because of my almost-anxiety attack. Making the half hour drive to the couple, I was able to breath it out, mellow out, and just let my mind wander without forcing it in any direction. When I reached the couple’s house, I shook off the emotions even if it was only momentarily and went on to teach them about the first stage of labor and relaxation techniques. After the class ended, the emotions I had shaken had been shed. I felt renewed. I felt content with the information I had provided the couple. I felt happy with the feedback that the couple had given me. I felt like I had a little bit more of a place in this world when it came to a career. Sunday night felt better already. I even got a wild hair and drove to a trusted piercing/tattoo shop on my way home with the decision that I was going to get my nose pierced. (I’ll elaborate on this in a different post.)

Monday was crazy hectic at work. I had very little time to dedicate to my blog (which I usually do during my 15 minute breaks and lunch). Feeling a little anxious to share how much better I was feeling, I later realized that God had bigger plans for me on this beautiful and busy Monday.

Part of my childbirth educator certification requirements is to observe at least two labors, and my second observed labor was to happen anytime soon. Well, at around 2pm, I got a call from the momma that I would be with letting me know that she was being admitted to the hospital because her fluids were low and her placenta was calcifying. They were going to induce her. Instantly, my hectic day just got crazier. I knew I had time to finish my workday, go pick up Little Nugget, drop him off with his dad, and head to the hospital, but I felt like the clock was ticking because I wanted to make sure that I was there to support the momma 110%. I wanted to make sure her questions were being answered and that she was receiving all of the information necessary to make her feel comfortable with what was being done to her body.

Fast forward to finally getting to the hospital. I arrived at 5:30pm where I found momma leaning over the couch in a great laboring position. I got excited. Then…she looked over with a smile and started conversing with me. The midwife on duty had given her the option to rupture her membranes before giving her pitocin, and momma had chosen to go with that option. I was relieved to know that she had chosen this route because it was clear that her body was not ready to be in the hospital yet, and momma knew this too. This was her second baby, and she had had a successful and hasty natural birth with her first. This was all new to her, and with my little experience in the field, it was new to me too, but somehow I felt the confidence to provide the support, knowledge, and respect that I didn’t entirely know I had.

While at the hospital, I supported momma, her mother, and her husband in understanding some of the jargon that the nurses were using, showed them some labor-helping positions, and reassured momma that ultimately it was her labor, her body and her choice. It was refreshing to be heard with such intent and care for the information I was providing.

To give you the rest of the story in a nutshell…momma “convinced” the midwife to allow her to labor through the night to see if she progressed on her own, but this was with the agreement that if there was no progression by morning, pitocin would be administered. Seeing that momma felt comfortable with this, I made my way home at 10pm. I received a call from the husband at 2am that she was 9.5cm dilated. I hurried over to the hospital, but by the time I got there, baby was being weighed, measured, and loved on. Success! My heart exploded with love for the field all over again. Pride for the momma and her ability to decide for herself overcame my being.

My revelation? Well, it’s not entirely clear as I don’t know what direction I want to head with my passion for childbirth, but I know that God is guiding me through the obstacles. I must trust that not having it all figured out right now is normal. I must trust that I’m not falling behind. Most importantly, I need to keep doing something for myself, and this, this is what I’m trying so hard to do. Some days are easier than others.

Cheers to the fire that lives inside us!

Momma and the attending nurse allowed me to explore the expelled placenta. I would apologize for this picture, but I've learned better. I've learned that this is my space to share was I find beautiful, and if this offends you, please don't judge as it is only nature at it's best. While some may see as disgusting, I see as "the tree of life".
I love placentas! Momma and the attending nurse allowed me to explore the expelled placenta. I would apologize for this picture, but I’ve learned better. I’ve learned that this is my space to share was I find beautiful, and if this offends you, please don’t judge as it is only nature at its best. While some may see it as disgusting (which I respect), I see as “the tree of life”.

9 thoughts on “A moment of revelation

  1. I made a very stupid decision to have epidural for my first birth (long story). Anyway, for my second, I decided to go 100% natural. The nurses were surprised because every mom asks for epidural, which has become a norm. My gynae told me that I would need at least 6 hours to fully dilate (1 hr for 1 cm…gosh!). But I told myself that I could do better. I told her not to induce me until I said so. Thank God, I delivered my second within an hour!
    All this is possible because of a book I read about taking charge of your body and commanding your body to work the way you wanted during delivery (sorry can’t recall the title). It was the best experience I could ever have.
    Therefore, I firmly believed that your role as childbirth educator is very beneficial to all moms out there. With educators like you around, childbirth would be a breeze!
    Who said childbirth is hell? It is the best experience a woman could ever have! Amen?
    (sorry for my long comment)

    1. Don’t be sorry, I appreciate and welcome long comments that show people relating to my words. Thank you for sharing your experience. Childbirth with my first was one of the BEST experiences I have ever undergone and I want to help other moms achieve the same no matter of the outcome. I think the more one is informed and made a part of the decision process, the more one can be at peace with the outcome even if it were to result in a c-section.
      Thank you for your support. If you recall the name of the title, please do share. ❤❤

      1. Finally managed to find the title of the book with my sister-in-law’s help.
        “Supernatural Childbirth” by Jackie Mize.

  2. Love the image of the placenta PERFECT tree of life! Great shot, as a photographer and training to be a doula I love it!

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