Journey to Zion – week 29

This week has presented itself with new stressors. Well, not exactly new, they just so happen to decide to want to resurface. Causing my anxiety to fluctuate, I’m still learning how to keep calm, move on, and keep trying my best…for Zion’s and Little Nugget’s sake (if for anyone other than myself).

I grew up with both parents present, but my mother has always been the decision-maker. I grew up with examples of very independent women, my mother and older sister. This, although positive, has created some obstacles for me when it comes to parenting. Unknowingly, this would make it difficult for me to accept that the father of my children wants as much of a say in decision-making when it comes to our children as I do. See, my dad would just say, “whatever your mom says”. If he questioned her decisions, it was never in front of his kids, so my perception of motherhood was shaped very early on without me even being aware of it. Now please don’t misunderstand me and think that I’m comparing my husband to my father, I’m just giving you an explanation of where my preconceived notions came from as I myself learn to understand them.

So the stressors? Well, aside from being horrible at standing by my decisions, I also find myself hating being in between two walls. My mother and husband both have very strong opinions and this, this causes me very high levels of anxiety. Going against either usually leaves me in a foggy relationship status with one or both of them, and trying to compromise usually just leads us into heated discussions leading to nowhere. It all really just makes me feel like I don’t have enough strength, will power, or true knowledge of how to be an adequate mother to my children. It leaves me not even knowing what I truly want and believe in for my children. It makes me want to run off and raise my children in the wild learning to live off of the land like children of Tarzan. Of course, all of these emotional stressors are heightened by my pregnancy-third-trimester hormones, so I’m hoping that I come down from my gray cloud very soon.

Miscellaneous
– My body, specifically my lower back, has started to feel the pregnancy. Visiting my chiropractor this week was heavenly!
– The fatigue has returned in small doses. I know it’s normal for the third trimester, but I’m hoping it doesn’t get too bad.
– My emotions are on the rise…and then they fall.

Nutrition/Cravings
– I think about food all. the. time!

Cheers to keeping a positive outlook regardless of the obstacles ahead!

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8 thoughts on “Journey to Zion – week 29

  1. This breaks my heart that you are feeling this way during one of the best times of your life- your pregnancy! I can kind of empathize with you in that my husband is very type B, and my mom and I are both leaders and type A. Many times, because of my husband being so laid back, when he DOES want to make a decision, I am grateful that he is invested and I accept his decision (not always, though). If my mom disagrees with my husband or myself, I usually feel fearful that if I do not agree with her or follow her decision, she will be angry with me. However, I finally just came to the conclusion that I am 26 years old, for goodness’s sake! I am an adult, and I have the right to make my own decision (according to God’s will). Not only is it silly for me to side with my mother, but it is also sinful. This is the first time I am reading a post from you so I don’t know your beliefs just yet, so forgive me if I offend (it isn’t my intention at all!). The Bible makes it super clear in Ephesians 5:31- “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” You and your husband are one. You TWO make decisions together. You absolutely have to find the freedom to allow your mother to not have her way and to not feel guilty about that. This is YOUR beautiful, wonderful family. There is a natural boundary there- use it! Your husband absolutely has the right to be a part of decisions, but your mother doesn’t have that right. You DON’T have enough strength to mother your children and make decisions, but you can lean on the Lord’s infinite strength to guide you through this journey. Again, I don’t know your beliefs, but I hope that encourages you some. Great post- I think a lot of women can relate (I know I can!). =]

    1. Thank you very much for your kind words, and no, you didn’t offend me in any way. I greatly appreciate your encouragement and love that you mentioned that my husband and I are one. You are very right. I need to remember that. I need to be grateful that my husband is present and wants to be a part of the journey with me. Thank you again.

  2. Ah, you and my daughter would bond instantly!
    And her second pregnancy caused her major back aches! But the minute her precious one was born, all pain ceased as her doc promised! Hang in there! Hang in there-it’ll work out….

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