This week has presented itself with new stressors. Well, not exactly new, they just so happen to decide to want to resurface. Causing my anxiety to fluctuate, I’m still learning how to keep calm, move on, and keep trying my best…for Zion’s and Little Nugget’s sake (if for anyone other than myself).
I grew up with both parents present, but my mother has always been the decision-maker. I grew up with examples of very independent women, my mother and older sister. This, although positive, has created some obstacles for me when it comes to parenting. Unknowingly, this would make it difficult for me to accept that the father of my children wants as much of a say in decision-making when it comes to our children as I do. See, my dad would just say, “whatever your mom says”. If he questioned her decisions, it was never in front of his kids, so my perception of motherhood was shaped very early on without me even being aware of it. Now please don’t misunderstand me and think that I’m comparing my husband to my father, I’m just giving you an explanation of where my preconceived notions came from as I myself learn to understand them.
So the stressors? Well, aside from being horrible at standing by my decisions, I also find myself hating being in between two walls. My mother and husband both have very strong opinions and this, this causes me very high levels of anxiety. Going against either usually leaves me in a foggy relationship status with one or both of them, and trying to compromise usually just leads us into heated discussions leading to nowhere. It all really just makes me feel like I don’t have enough strength, will power, or true knowledge of how to be an adequate mother to my children. It leaves me not even knowing what I truly want and believe in for my children. It makes me want to run off and raise my children in the wild learning to live off of the land like children of Tarzan. Of course, all of these emotional stressors are heightened by my pregnancy-third-trimester hormones, so I’m hoping that I come down from my gray cloud very soon.
– My body, specifically my lower back, has started to feel the pregnancy. Visiting my chiropractor this week was heavenly!
– The fatigue has returned in small doses. I know it’s normal for the third trimester, but I’m hoping it doesn’t get too bad.
– My emotions are on the rise…and then they fall.
– I think about food all. the. time!
Cheers to keeping a positive outlook regardless of the obstacles ahead!