Anxiety and worry kicked in as I laid down to sleep one night this week. We aren’t as prepared as we were with Little Nugget. To give you an idea, we didn’t actually have to buy diapers for Little Nugget until he was 7 months old. Seven months old! With Zion, we maybe a couple of weeks worth of diapers. I know it’s all in how I see it, and I try to see it as we would be overwhelmed. If we had as much stuff now as we did with Little Nugget, we really wouldn’t have the space for it all. I’m trying to be honest and realistic with myself.
In laying down and feeling the anxiety kicking in, I felt as though it was going to be an extremely long and treacherous night. I tried so hard to find the peaceful place I have been in before spiraling into a panic attack. (It’s a spiraling hole that’s easy to fall into and difficult to climb out of.) I couldn’t do it on my own, so I turned to the being I know would help best…God. I prayed maybe a couple of “Our Fathers” before I peacefully fell asleep. The peace had returned.
I know the addition of Zion is not going to be financially easy, but she most definitely is a blessing. Wholeheartedly placing my life in God’s hands, I know that we will be just fine. I must keep my positive outlook for my sake and the sake of my family. Not saying it’s easy, though. I find my thoughts twisting and twirling trying not to go into panic mode. Let’s just say, there’s been a lot of deep breathing going on…which isn’t all that bad because it’s only conditioning me for labor.
Cheers to finding our peaceful place!
– Robyn (my midwife) had me swab to test for GBS this week, and she also drew some blood to check my iron levels.
– I am now visiting Robyn weekly. Little Nugget is very happy about this. I suspect he’s going to miss these visits once Zion is here.
– It’s crazy to hear your midwife tell you, “Well, in 5 days you’ll be considered full-term.”