I’ve been feeling like an incompetent mom for the last week or so. It may be the sleep deprivation getting to me, but I haven’t been feeling like the spectacular mom that I had hoped to be when I was pregnant with Zion. There were days I’d see my world caving in and my anxiety kicking in.
Little Nugget started staying home with Zion and me this week. I already knew how to be a mother to one child, but having two children to care for at the same time was (and still is) new to me. I know mothering more than one child at a time isn’t a test, and I know some may be thinking, “What a weenie!”, but this is new to me and as with all new things, it takes adjusting. I needed a good day, a day like today. No, no relaxation happened, on the contrary, I did a lot and in doing I proved to myself that I am a capable mother to my two beautiful children.
Josh worked all day today. All day. He left as the sun was rising and is yet to come home. (Let me include how thankful I am for my hardworking husband!) I dread when Josh works all day as I feel overwhelmed at the demanding tasks mothering consists of, but today was different. It might have been the few extra hours of sleep Zion allowed me to get, the cups of nursing tea I had, or the placenta pills that I took this morning. Whatever it was, I felt like a bomb diggity mom at the end of the day. I fed both of my children multiple times, and I ate too! I bathed both of my children and myself. I brushed Little Nugget’s teeth in the morning and at night. I walked to the post office with both of my children. I changed pooped diapers as well as wiped a pooped butt. I wiped snot from noses. I moisturized chapped lips, cheeks, noses, and chins. I put both children to bed. And, I wrote this blog post. I am a bomb diggity mom!
To some, it may not sound like I did anything productive, but the fact that I took care of my children and myself, and did something that makes me happy (write a blog post) deserves some applause even if I’m the only one applauding. After all, the praise should matter most from me because if I’m happy with and proud of myself, I’m doing something right. Excuse me as I go into Little Nugget’s sticker box and give myself a gold star. (Sometimes modesty needs to be set aside for our own wellbeing.)
As I grow older and reflect with the help of my writing, I see growth in my thoughts and actions. This journey through motherhood is an important one as it wasn’t by coincidence that I’m the mother to Little Nugget and Zion. They teach me how to be a mother, they forgive my mistakes, and they continue to love me without question.
Today felt like one of those days that every mom needs in order to know she can do it. The feeling of accomplishment that I felt as I kissed my babies good night is the feeling I wish for every mother to feel every day. Heck, it’s the feeling I wish I’d fall asleep to every night and wake up to every morning!
Today was a victory for me as a mother. I know everyday won’t bring the same victory, but what counts is that I had it to document it. I need days like this to look back on when my spirit is weary and strength is questionable. I need days like this to remind me that I am a capable bomb diggity mom.
Cheers to finding strength within ourselves!
The universe listens. The following video was sent to me today without the sender knowing that I needed it.