Little Nugget is peacefully watching an episode of his favorite Lego show while eating his strawberry-sprinkled doughnut. (What three-year-old wouldn’t be peaceful with that combination?) Zion is peacefully rocking side to side in her swing on the brink of falling asleep. Both of them are bathed and smelling like this mom has her life together. This wasn’t the case earlier today. I’m surprised I made it this far in the day with my wits in place.
I was dreading today. I had been spoiled for the last three years. Josh had accompanied me to every prenatal appointment during both my pregnancies, and to every pediatrician appointment with Little Nugget. Now, he’s been working so hard that he doesn’t have the same amount of time to accompany me. This isn’t to say that I don’t appreciate what he has going on. I am grateful for his hard work, but it brings new challenges. These are some of the growing pains I spoke of a couple posts back.
Today, Little Nugget had his three-year check-up and Zion had her two-month check-up. I knew Zion was getting vaccines, so that alone was causing me angst. Arriving to the appointment, I was told that Little Nugget would need a vaccine too. I don’t know who was more shocked, Little Nugget or me. They were both weighed, measured, checked, and given their vaccines. Zion received two and Little Nugget received one. They both cried, of course. Me? I acted like it was no big deal, but my body was sweating, my eyes became tired, and my heart cried with my children. Lets just say I handled it better than I thought I would.
With the appointment over, a sleeping infant in her car seat, and a toddler with the sniffles and a “dead” arm, I scurried to my car, set my children in, and dashed over to the nearest doughnut shop to make things better for my toddler.
Today taught me that I can find strength when I thought I had none. I was able to provide comfort to my toddler when I knew he needed it, and this, this made me feel so good because of the last weeks of pure disciplining that I have been giving him. I comforted my infant with only my bosom and voice. I felt capable.
As I was breastfeeding Zion, her eyes looked up at me and smiled. This was the moment where I knew I could relax. I was dying to vent to someone that I had survived the vaccines…the day. I called my mom, but no answer. I was anxious to get this day out of my head and shared with someone.
It’s amazing how as a mother I need daily validation that I am strong enough to handle what is put on my plate. I think it’s unfair that I work hard to make the best choices for my children, yet I need daily affirmations that my children will be alright even when I make mistakes or feel like I’m not strong enough.
I had helped my children through a doctor’s appointment and they had left with their hearts in place. I knew they were grateful for me…even if my armpits smelled of dried sweat.
Thank you for being here for me and for being a part of my village.
Cheers to finding our strength in moments of doubt!