It’s been five days since I received a package in the mail. In the package was a letter accompanied by a certificate. The letter states that I’m officially a certified childbirth educator through the International Childbirth Education Association. The letter reads, “We hope that you will display it prominently and that you will be proud to place the initials ICCE behind your name.” ICCE stands for ICEA Certified Childbirth Educator.
The only people that knew about my completion of the program before publishing this post were my husband, one of my best friends, and my midwife. I thought I would’ve been more excited. I thought I would’ve been proud of myself. Sadly, I’m not.
Excuse me as I shake myself of this pitty party. Please do not join me as the more people I have at this party the longer it lasts. The reason I write of this little struggle I find myself trying to push through is not for your sympathy, but to, as I stated, push through it. I write to step back, see the bigger picture, and try to remember why I found passion in childbirth in the first place.
My muse, my stimulus, my inspiration was and still is my first-born. The passion for bearing children was only amplified with my second-born. Why has this energy been misplaced? Where has it been misplaced to, and what do I need to do to find it again?
The postpartum period is not easy. It revolves around adjustment of schedules, relationships, emotions, self-awareness, and self-care. And let us not forget about balance. Balance is probably one of the most important ingredients to a mother’s wellbeing during the early (and well the entire) postpartum period, and the most difficult to accomplish, if you ask me.
I need to be re-inspired. No, I must restate that. I need to re-inspire myself because it is no one’s responsibility to cultivate my creativity, my passion, and my drive but my own. I owe it to myself. I normally see it as doing it for my children, but this time I will say that I must do it for myself. I need to stop depending on others to tell me how awesome I am and face the fact that I am bomb diggity even when I have shitty days. How am I supposed to leave a legacy if I don’t believe myself to have the ability to do so? How am I supposed to teach my children to be great if I’m not my best and believe it too?
My goodness, I love writing! It really puts things into perspective for me.
Thank you for sticking around through this rollercoaster period of mine.
Cheers to new titles…and putting them to use!