So I might have gone post-crazy today. What’s my deal? I’m in a whirlwind of emotions right now and I need to write them down to sort them out. They are mostly positive as my heart is content; it’s in a good place. I find myself detaching from all of my worries, plans, and hopes as I write this, and I do so to reflect (I do a great deal of reflecting when I write) on how far I’ve come since my last birthday. I didn’t realize that I would start something last year when I wrote “As my birthday approaches” and “As my birthday approaches – the epilogue”, two posts relaying my love-hate relationship with my birthday. I’ve decided to continue adding to these posts; it is great to have them to look back on and learn from. Going back and reading them is like tapping into a time capsule—I can revisit who I was and what I felt a year ago and compare it to who I am today.
Reading “As my birthday approaches” brought a sense of humility to my heart because of what I wrote:
“I owe it to my mother who gave birth to me to celebrate the discomfort she went through to bring me to life. I owe it to Little Nugget, my better half, and everyone who cares for me to be excited about another year of me being around. I owe it to myself to celebrate my every breath and make it all about me at least once a year. And most importantly, I owe it to God to enjoy my day as he has made it my divine right to BE.”
I say it’s humility because I genuinely respect the meaning of my life as well as those in it unlike the time when my birthday brought me pessimistic thoughts. I feel strong going into a new year of life. I feel grateful in celebrating me and who/what has helped create and shape me. I am proud to say that there has been growth in the last year.
Tomorrow is a very important day. Tomorrow marks 28 years since I came earth-side; 28 years since my mother felt those tugs on her womb letting her know that I was making my arrival.
I look forward to recapping my actual birthday on here.
Cheers to feeling excited (instead of anxious) about my birthday!