Holy flock!

I attended a Flock Yeah on Saturday, an intimate birth event, held by Gena Kirby. It was a place for sisterhood, for personal—mental, emotional, and spiritual—growth, and for a positive energy that my soul needs/should be charged with on a regular basis. (A great addition to my self-care lifestyle.) During this event, there was a very important question posed by one of the guest speakers, Stephanie Dawn. (Stephanie Dawn is fan-freaking-tastic, by the way.) She asked us, “Who are you?” Hmm, who am I? Well, I’m Big Nugget from Little Nugget Big Nugget. No, no. I know what she meant by this question. It was a darn good question. As intimidating as it is for me to meet experienced and successful birth professionals, in hearing this question, I found it even more intimidating to meet myself. I knew that this question had come to me for a reason, so I accepted the challenge of answering not only the question of who I am, but also what, when, where, and why I am.

Before I begin reflecting on who I am, I first want to give you this disclaimer: The following answers are foundational answers to the questions. They are in no way meant to label me or give a definite no-you-cannot-change-your-answers description of me. I am in a new chapter of my life and understand that I once was someone else. Because of this new journey I am on, I am learning myself in a new role with a stronger more experienced heart. I am grateful for all the adversity I’ve surpassed up until this point and welcome the challenges ahead. I recognize the blessings in my every day life, and do not judge those who are or are not part of my life. I lead with love.

Who am I?
I am a very strong light that shines on a daily basis. I have a fire inside me that sparks others with a positive feeling when I am around. (I thrive on this feeling.) I have an attractive personality that does well in social and intimate settings. My aura is brightly colored. I am passionate. I am spontaneous, but cautious. I am a daydreamer who dreams of (mostly) all good things, and am usually thinking up a way to manifest these good things. I am learning to support myself as much as I do others. I am weird, and I am proud of this. I am humorous as well as easily humored. I am a lover, not a fighter.

What am I?
I am an independent individual. I am a wife, a mother, (grand)daughter, sister, cousin, and friend. I also wear many other hats. I am a photographer, writer, cyclist, and nature-lover. I am a dancer…who rarely requires music to start boogieing. I am a smiler and a laugher and cannot go a day without doing so. I am about love.

When am I?
I believe in my heart having as much of a say in my life as much as my logic. I am when my heart has the freedom to communicate with my world. I am when I love.

Where am I?
I am at the point in my life where I accept and let go of the baggage from anything in my past that could potentially harm the wellbeing of my future. I understand that in order to have room for new challenges to teach me instead of crippling me, I must shed the challenges from my past. I am where I can love.

Why am I?
I must express how relieved I am that this is the last question. Although I jumped around answering each question in pieces, it doesn’t change the fact that this was hard. I almost gave up on answering these questions for myself, but knew that I couldn’t avoid them if I want to continue moving forward. So, why am I? I am because of my faith. My faith has led me to a new spiritual journey that cannot be labeled as anything other than a respect and wholehearted acceptance for the Divine being who helps me be a positive in this world, keeps me safe in this world, and utilizes me to bring good to this world.

And there it is, the skeleton of my essence, the essence that Little Nugget helped me affirm the same night I began reflecting on me…

Right before Little Nugget went to bed, he looked over at me and said, “Mom, did you know you’re a super hero?” To which I responded, “Aww papa. You know what? I did. Thank you for reminding me. I love you!”

I’ll close this post off with, there is nothing wrong with accepting the fact that you are freaking awesome. That you have talents and you’re pretty darn good at using them. I think that having an ego is healthy, it’s human. What you do with that ego can determine the type of human being you are. Make friends with your ego and be the good influence. Introduce your ego to humility and make it a point to nurture the relationship between them because you need them both. Balance. Isn’t that the hardest part?

Cheers to becoming familiar with ourselves!

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