I had an off day

I had an off day yesterday. This doesn’t negate that I had real dark thoughts. The emotions I put into words yesterday made me cry as I shared them. I felt it was important to share what I was feeling to prove the idea that life is and should always be happy unrealistic. Sharing my dark thoughts allowed me to be vulnerable with people and to open space for people to be vulnerable too. I don’t have my s-h-i-t figured out, I don’t want to fake having it figured out, and I don’t want to pretend like I ever will because, quite frankly, I don’t think I ever will. I’m ever-evolving. I am growing, and like with babies, as soon as parents become comfortable with one milestone, babies reach another causing yet another set of growing pains.

I was so thankful in having the fog lifted from my thoughts and heart. (If felt like a Claritin commercial when the fuzzy filter is removed once the pill is taken.) The fog was gone as soon as my fever and achy body remedied itself. It made me realize that I can’t take my positivity for granted. I can’t expect to always be happy-go-lucky, nor beat myself up when I’m not. I’m grateful it was only a day of negative thoughts instead of days, weeks, or months like I’ve experienced in the past—something that has scarred me. As a near and dear person told me yesterday, “You had an off day. We all do. Look at me, I’ve had an off day back to back to back to back.”

Thank you to those brightly-lit beings who provided support and empathized with me. Thank you for being vulnerable in return. The more I experience life the clearer it is for me to understand the importance of having a village. Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down. It’s in the times that we are down when we need our village, almost like that shoulder to cry on. When we are up, it is important to provide that same shoulder for those who are down. This is us actively being a part of our village.

Big Nugget is back, so if you can’t tap into your strength, know that you are not broken. Know that you are human. I am here to be strong for you. I understand you. I see you. Life isn’t easy—for anyone.

Cheers to having a supportive community!

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Facebook so kindly reminded me today that 2 years ago I was hospitalized due to a TIA (aka mini-stroke) which was caused by stress. I survived then. I will survive now. Although I am stronger than I believe, I can’t expect myself to always be strong enough.
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