These are just some thoughts I had tonight after sitting on the couch to watch some television with Little Nugget.
Little Nugget was on his recliner chair watching tv. I had laid Z Nugg down, done some dishes, and was taking a break on the couch whilst lost in the virtual world. Bathing Little Nugget was next on the “to-do” list, but I was avoiding it. At one point, Little Nugget turned over to me and asked me if I would like to watch tv with him. Normally, I’d say no because he needs to shower before going to bed, but tonight I thought, why not? “That would be great, papa!” (I honestly can’t remember the last time I did just sit and watch tv with him.) He hastily jumped on the couch and got comfortable on me. I actively watched Doc McStuffins with him and enjoyed him in my arms. I lived in the moment, and it was glorious.
After that one episode, I informed him that I was turning off the tv to bathe him. To my surprise, he did not fight with me and simply did as he was told. On a normal night, by this point, he would have already put in a good 5 minutes of crying. Solid crying, not whimpers.
In addition to the actively watching television with him, I also tried something else out. Before his shower was over, I asked him if I could lay with him for a little bit before I came out to the living room to work, a question he asks every single night. He approved by giving me an excited “yes!” I thought of it as wanting some time and attention from him. In order to understand why I felt this would work or make a difference, I put it in terms of making him feel important and worth my time…because he is. He is extremely important to me.
In reflecting how these last ten months have gone for him, I feel like a
shitty human being. I did not allow myself to feel guilty or shitty because I am now conscious of what I can do to try and help my Nugget feel loved, needed, worthy, and important. I can give him my (active) love. I always tell him I love him, but I need to incorporate that active love.
I’ll let you know how it goes.
Cheers to consciously parenting!