Why First Dates are Anti-Climactic

A note from Big Nugget:
I am grateful to share another post from my friend, Ricky Congo. His perspective is appreciated in a female-dominated space. To read his second contribution to my blog, click here
Comments and questions are welcomed. We want your thoughts too!

To learn about the “A friend of the Nuggets” project, click here.

How awful are first dates though?  It’s like the job interview.  Seriously though, think about that.  You could get fired at any moment for pretty much anything.  At least with a job you get paid and hopefully health insurance and maybe some sort of retirement.  The best part of that situation is the company isn’t forced to like you!  Who’d have thought?  Having a job is better than having a significant other.  Real groundbreaking material here.

Alright, I’m being a wee bit dramatic, but first dates do suck and they have a very high failure rate.  You know why?  Simple math.  Every person has personal preferences, things they like and don’t like.  If there are too many things they don’t like about you, he or she may never call or text you again, whether you are a good person or not.

On top of that, and I have discussed this in a previous entry, you may find everything you want in a person, BUT said person still has to like you back.  Also, YOU need to like said person.  Call me crazy, but this is where compatibility and personality plays a role.  You can’t just create this Venn diagram of shit, hope it all works out, announce your loyalties via social media and live happily ever after.  It just doesn’t work that way, unfortunately.

I will give you a bunch of things as a male that I personally look for.  Maybe it is helpful, maybe it isn’t.  Let me put this disclaimer out there too:  I am single, 31 years old, and not a representation of all men.  I do not claim to know everything about relationships, men or women.  These are my personal preferences and opinions, but you should still take them very seriously.  I’m kidding.  Kind of.

1.  Pick the place to eat, no questions asked. This is your one and only important job throughout the entire date.  Your sole responsibility.  I already feel pressures of the adequate amounts of funding to spend on the date.  I don’t want to be too cheap to the point where you’re thinking “oh hell naw” and I don’t want to take you on this crazy ass gourmet meal where you’re thinking “this fool wants to marry me, I’m out!”.

So, if you pick the place ahead of time, then I’m not sitting there like Kevin Hart talking about “well, see my checking is attached to my savings and I have a 3-day grace period as to when the funding is available…”.  I already need to mentally prepare for shit I’m going to say to you, and you want me to be an accountant on the first date too?  Not a good look.  Pick your favorite place, I want you to have a good time, after all being on a date should be about having a good time.

2.  Stay off of your phone.  We have the rest of our lives to make the rest of the social media world jealous of our relationship, assuming it works out of course.  You don’t need to take a picture of your food, you don’t need to man crush Monday me, especially on a first date or if it’s any other day of the week, and most importantly a selfie is not needed under any circumstance of a first date.  Ever.

3.  Order your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant.  It’s about enjoying yourself.  I won’t judge you, I promise.  I’ll be more pissed if you get lemon water, a side salad and some crackers.  I asked you on a date, I wanted you to spend time with me, therefore I want to see the real you.  Get the damn steak, if you like steak.  Maybe you have a steak-only diet?  I would appreciate that.  Just keep in mind we aren’t having steak every night if this continues.

4.  If you drink, order a couple drinks.  This is where it gets kind of tricky… I can drink… a lot… I went to UCSB for goodness sake.  You know you’re limits and stick to them.  I will always encourage having a great time, but please don’t puke in the restaurant, on yourself, or in my car.  Know yourself well enough to not puke at all.  That’s not a good look and also not a guarantee for a second date.

5.  Act like you’re going to pay.  Just show me you care enough to not be a freeloader.  To me that’s as bad as dining and dashing. Of course I am paying, I asked YOU on a date.  If a guy asks you out, he should pay, end of story.  I’d just like to know that you aren’t assuming a free meal.  It’s called manners.

6.  We will talk about interests, I will make you laugh, you will have a good time and we will have each other’s numbers at the end of the night.  I don’t expect sex or even a kiss, but I do expect to know if or when I will see you again.  I also expect you to say thank you and be appreciative of me taking the time to take you out because I’m certainly thankful that you came.  In the grand scheme of things, I want us to enjoy our time together whether it works out or not.

Dates should be fun, there should be no pressure or any real expectations.  I don’t think anyone has ever fallen in love with the expectation of it happening.  They just kept having fun.  When it stops being fun, I think that’s when you kind of gauge the relationship to see if it should continue.

-Ricky Congo

One of Josh’s and my first dates…almost 12 years ago! – Big Nugget



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