Things (not) to tell a pregnant woman

Growing a baby is perceived as an open invitation to give unsolicited opinions and advice by some people. It’s almost inevitable that while pregnant, a woman will receive words of “encouragement”. It’s as if experience gives people—including myself—the inspiration to share with others, even when it’s unwanted. In addition, I’m sure we can all agree that the words given aren’t always the nicest or most thought out words.

The following are some of the good ones— words of “encouragement”—I remember receiving while pregnant with Z Nugg. No, I don’t remember who said what to me, I just remember them because I took note of them. I figured I could use them in a blog post some day. ::insert winking emoji here::

I also included my responses to these “encouraging” words. I never voiced them, but I did write them down as well. Writing helps me blow steam and not get into trouble while doing it. Makes for a good blog post later.

My intention in sharing these are to 1.) let other pregnant mommas know that they aren’t alone and 2.) suggest that we all think before we speak.

“I wish you had done (insert a list of accomplishments here) before you got pregnant.”
My response: Guess what people? You can’t undo a pregnancy! (I mean you can, but I’m not going into that.) If I happen to not buy a home before becoming pregnant with my second child, too bad for you. Yes, that’s right, too bad for you because I am feeling euphoric enough not to care whether or not my family has a mortgage to pay. What I am grateful for is the roof that covers our heads at night and that we will soon be growing by one more.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant sooner?!!”
My response: Umm, maybe because I wasn’t ready to tell you? Maybe I wanted to make sure I was out of the risky period. Maybe I just wanted to keep the sweet secret to myself for as long as I could. Appreciate that I told you when I told you because sincerely it’s not about you; it’s about the joy of new life growing and being welcomed into this beautiful world. Into my beautiful world.

“Why are you having your baby outside of the hospital? Aren’t you worried about the dangers of having a baby?”
My response: Last I remember, having a baby isn’t dangerous for a low-risk woman like me, so no, I am not worried about having a baby. Whether or not you were judging me for my birth decisions, I’d appreciate if you trusted me instead. I’m the one having this baby, not you. I’m not putting me or my child’s life at risk by choosing a birth center birth. Please trust that I’ve done my research and have a knowledgable support system that has my back. 

And my favorite one…

“This pregnancy is really taking a toll on you.”
My response: Come again? Keep these type of comments to yourself, or simply think about them before saying them. I’m sure there is a better way to deliver your concern. Seriously! If you don’t think I look well, you can simply ask how I’m feeling. Remember, growing a baby is a lot of work. There will be ups and there will be downs, and what I need most is your love, support, and good vibes, not how malnourished you think I look.

Cheers to the belly bumps which attract those special words!

Picture by Omar Ogues. 32 weeks pregnant with Z Nugg.

Mommas, what were your favorite words of “encouragement” received during pregnancy?


3 thoughts on “Things (not) to tell a pregnant woman

  1. Ha! This is perfect! I need to add: “Gee, you are sure big. Even so and so is not that big. Are you sure you are not having twins?”(insert insulting laugh here). I have been getting that a lot lately, even by the lady at the post office!? C’mon! When is it ever appropriate to make comments about a person’s weight? And just because I am pregnant, I don’t need remarks about big I am getting! Thanks for allowing me to rant. I really appreciate this post. 😊

    1. Bah! The things I’ve heard people say to pregnant women have really taught me to think twice before I speak. Thank you for sharing and you are perfect just as you are. Our children won’t care how “big” we are, all they care for is our love and attention. As long as we know we are healthy, the rest of the world can’t say anything to bring us down. I have your back. 😉✊👊

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