Brain-dead yet physically present

Yesterday I found myself brain-dead. Have you ever felt mentally incoherent, like you can’t seem  to gather your thoughts because you’re exhausted? Z Nugg had been awake since two in the morning and didn’t fall back asleep until five, and not because we found a way to lull her back to bed. She made sure to go out with a bang, in our case, nonstop screaming with no tears.

I’d explain everything we tried, but this post isn’t about what we did in an attempt to calm our baby down. I’ll just put it as my sister puts it, Z Nugg is simply passionate about life. Where am I going with this? Well, along with finding myself brain-dead, I also found myself at a loss for inspiration, and I know that it was because I had only gotten two and a half hours of sleep. (Hashtag: Parenthood.)

I found myself struggling to come up with my next post. I had 28 more days of writing and I was already having writer’s block. Being human, I began allowing this to make me feel like I was going to fail myself—I tend to begin a lot of things and not finish them—but I brought that Negative Nancy to a halt as soon as I became aware of her presence. (This is proof of growth. The old me would’ve just continued to feed into the pity party, the only party I can hang with. Ha!)

I had to get out of my head, so I forced myself to stop using it. I reminded myself that I was exhausted and allowed other parts of my body to put in some work. This reminded me of some advice I had heard in an audio book (unfortunately, I don’t remember the name).

I have the power to start wherever I want.

In writing terms, this meant I could start writing the conclusion first, ridding myself of the “rules” I was taught in school. I have the freedom to write my way and incorporate a method that works for me—this can and will vary from day to day. Some days, my head will be the one putting in the work, so on those days, my head will be the one needing the stimulation.

Since my brain was not as present as it usually is, I allowed my body to inspire my spirit. I let forced myself to become physically enthralled. I stepped outside of my comfort zone, my dark comfy apartment, and went outside to write. I bundled up, grabbed my notebook, a pen, my vitamin elixir (my “coffee”) and found a spot where the sun kissed my face and warmed my hands as they wrote. I silenced my phone, put in my headphones, and allowed the words to appear on the paper—the words becoming what you are reading now.

Consciousness is a heck of a tool, and it’s even more powerful in collaboration with writing!

Writing is a gift I am grateful for. I may or may not be good at writing, but what I am sure of is that when I put words on paper, I paint solutions for myself, something that speaking has never done for me. And just as I wrote the previous sentence, my writer’s block disappeared and Justin Timberlake’s “Can’t Stop the Feeling” came on. A sign from the universe?

The universe is a wonderful place…when I give it space to be, when I get out of myself and allow my energy to flow instead of confining it to a 600+ square-foot apartment. I am grateful for the universe and its wonders.

Need some inspiration in your life? Go out there and allow the universe to do its work. Allow it.

– Big Nugget

Day 3 – Random fact about me: I was voted “Most Likely to Succeed” in my senior class, which now that I mention it, is making me reflect on quite a bit about my life.

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