I fed Z Nugg during the day yesterday, a rare occurrence for us nowadays. I don’t have the appropriate words for how deep my gratitude goes with this. I believe that my extreme gratitude was subconsciously instilled by women around the world that wish to breastfeed but can’t. Before I get further into this, I wish to explain where I am coming from.
The other night, we celebrated my lover’s birthday. He invited a few friends to hang out, a couple of them mutual friends I hadn’t seen or spoken to in a while. I got into a deep conversation with one of them, a conversation about life. Josh and I met this friend almost eight years ago. Our friend and I found ourselves flabbergasted at how fast those years had gone. We reflected on our life then, our life now, and what we’re working on for our life in the future. One of the topics of conversation was relationships in general. I won’t go into detail about our conversation, but I will share something that was said and that impacted me.
“Because I saw friends go through it, I learned how not to take what I have for granted.”
In sharing this, my friend had made it clear to me that I have my sisters around the world to thank for my conscious gratitude for breastfeeding. I speak of my sisters who’ve shared their pain, difficulties, and discomforts. The ones who have not kept quiet about the realities of motherhood. The ones who have gracefully removed the rose-colored glasses from my eyes. Being aware of their struggles helps me appreciate every session with my baby, hold space for my sisters, and honor my sisters when I nurse. Understanding and being aware that some mothers never get the opportunity to simply offer their breast due to a miscarriage or stillbirth, that some mothers have to stop nursing due to the insurmountable pain it causes, or that there are mothers that don’t have the ability to lactate, helps me be present when I nurse.
Life is not about competition, comparing, hating, or distrusting. These feelings, although sometimes inevitable due to our human nature, are destructive to our being. Life is about collaboration, respect, love, and acceptance (especially for what is different from us). Breastfeeding—accompanied by many other aspects of motherhood—has brought me to this beautiful point in my life. I know how blessed I am to still be nursing my baby. I know how blessed I am to be a mother.
– Big Nugget