Staying in the light

Since becoming a mother, birthdays have become really emotional days for me. I was sedated by the emotional rollercoaster of celebrating another birthday with my firstborn. I was not focused on the presidential election at all throughout the day. But of course, it was inevitable that I would get sucked into the anxiety and confusion that came from the events taking place.

Last night was an emotionally crazy night here in the United States. (I wouldn’t doubt, around the world.)

I remember feeling my muscles tense up, laughing in absolute disbelief confusion as to what will happen next. I had so many questions with no sight of answers. I felt hopeless and unsure of what I will have to protect my children from. All of this uncertainty in the unknown was driving me down a dark path loaded with anxiety. My emotions felt like gas molecules crazily bouncing off of everything and anything.

I turned off the television, kissed Josh goodnight, and retreated to our dark room where our two rays of light peacefully slept. I laid down to stretch, began melting into the floor, and used “Thank you God” to focus on that moment and nothing else. “Thank you God” slowly evolved to “keep me in the light”. That was it! I was looking at all of this from the wrong angle. I had to change my perspective on it. I needed to stop analyzing and start reflecting. There is nothing I need to protect my Nuggets from, I simply have to start making conscious choices so that they know to do the same. I am starting to understand that the best tools I can give my Nuggets—in regards to enduring and overcoming obstacles—are self-confidence and humility. Self-confidence to know that they can overcome and humility to ask for help when they can’t. In order to provide this for them, I must act with the same tools.

I’m sure my parents at one point felt like they had to protect me from something. There is no way that they had it any easier than me, they just had it differently. That’s evolution for you. Times will change, but the getting through it won’t.

In order to get through the obstacles (in general), I’ve committed to taking it one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other…like I’ve done in the past. However, I’ve gained another level of consciousness now. (Hashtag: Personal growth!) There will be changes to adjust to, revolt against, and agree with, but in any of those cases, I will take it one day at a time. Most importantly, I will be grateful every single day. I commit to being consciously grateful to avoid falling into the danger of taking things for granted. I commit to investing the energy in being my Nugget’s role model and arming them with life skills instead of investing it in worrying about ways to protect them.

An Instagram exchange between my good friend and I perfectly describes how I am feeling today. She captioned a picture with:

“Love unites. Love heals. Love creates. Love is what we need. This is what I’ll be focused on today. One love.”

To which I responded with:

“One love! I’m manifesting that all of this division will unite. If we’ve reached a low, there’s no way other than up.”

I truly believe that there is no other way than up, and I have a say in that, even if it’s only within my life.

– Big Nugget

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Day 9 – I thought BOWvember and setting the ambitious goal of writing everyday was going to be stressful. It’s been quite the opposite. Writing has forced me to give myself the time to reflect everyday. (The editing part is just not as fun.) 
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