I discovered a powerful tool a couple nights ago. A tool that allowed me to experience absolute love and gratitude for myself. I have never experienced a love for myself like this. I know what wholehearted, totally-invested love for others feels like as I love my better half and children this way, but for myself, never. This is why I find this tool to be so powerful. I discovered a way to love myself entirely.
Before I go any further, I’d like to put my intentions out there. It is important to me that whoever cares to read my words knows my intentions in sharing my daily experiences. I share my experiences and how they make me feel, reflect, and grow because I believe it will help someone. Someone out there is in a funk, and maybe my experiences will inspire something in them to enjoy life a little bit more. See, for me it’s like trial and error, a review on what works for me and what doesn’t.
So, what’s the tool? Acknowledgment of every bone and muscle on my body in a hot shower.
I discovered this tool thanks to my period. I got my first menstrual period postpartum with Z Nugg the day after her first birthday. It was perfect and special, and I’m not being sarcastic. It was perfect because of the day it happened, it was as if my body was like “Woohoo, no more baby! Let me show you that you can still make more!” And, it was special because my body felt the opposite of perfect and special. Let me explain.
I mentioned in a previous post that Z Nugg has shown me the grace to be a more conscious mother. She truly has. My daughter’s birth was what inspired me to become educated about my body and to care for a more conscious life in my own skin instead of wanting to be in the skin of another.
In not physically feeling my best (because of my period), I chose to focus on what was going on instead of what I was feeling. Understanding that my menstrual period is a vital sign, a sign that I am healthy, helped my focus. My lower back was aching and my body was tired from the day’s work. I accepted, acknowledged, and became friends with the discomfort. I invited this discomfort into a hot shower with me and invited it to relax. It was insane to see how discomfort needs love and acknowledgment too. I wouldn’t have known had I only focused on feeling unwell.
After showering myself, I stood in the hot water (being grateful for it as it relaxed my tired body). I started at the top of my head and worked my way down to the bottom of my feet. I massaged my fingers into my muscles hard enough to feel them and their structure against my bones, but light enough not to hurt them. As I massaged my muscles and felt my bones, I approached them by saying, “Oh, hi clavicle!” or “Hello there, armpit!”, spent some time with them, and then moved on by thanking them for their work and existence. I did that to every inch of my body. I brought comfort to parts of my body that don’t feel seen such as the pieces in between my breasts and shoulders. It may sound silly, but I felt sedated after that shower. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a surge of oxytocin like that. The oxytocin I feel when I’m with Josh, or even when I birthed my Nuggets, is different. I feel like I can now say that I wholeheartedly love and accept myself for I have seen myself in a form deeper than just flesh.
You better believe I’ll be doing that at least once a week. Period or not.
Cheers to loving ourselves!
Day 23 – Yes, yes I am laughing with myself for thinking of this picture.
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