I have missed sharing my experiences with you for the last two weeks. As much as I love writing, it was not a part of my agenda due to a natural phenomenon called life.
As many of us may experience often, life can suck, and other times it can really suck to the point where there’s no motivation to do anything other than get through the day. Getting through my days was my goal. I must stop here and clarify something, though. I began writing this post with some misplaced passion. My life doesn’t suck, it has simply been teaching me about myself and the world around me on a deeper level and in a different way than I have ever experienced. (I’m relieved to say that depression was not included.)
I am here now and ready to move forward. Once again it has been motherhood that has grounded me and taught me that I can’t sit and dwell — for too long — because there are people whose wellbeing depends on mine. The following was the moment that snapped me out of my dwelling place.
It was 4:30 p.m. My Nuggets and I had gotten home early enough to go on a walk, which we haven’t done in a couple of months now. Little Nugget and I were antsy to get out because it’s been a colder-and-wetter-than-normal season for us here in Southern California. The season has kept us indoors more than we are accustomed to, and the lack of outdoor adventure has caused difficulties in
our my motivation.
Little Nugget did not waste time in preparing himself. He needed this walk as much as I did. He had his jacket and helmet on, and was on his bicycle riding circles around Z Nugget and me before I asked him to do so. I, other the other hand, was chasing after Z Nugget to bundle her up for the cold breeze. As I picked her up to put her jacket on, Z Nugget regurgitated her last meal all over me, herself, and the floor. I had chunks of squash, green beans, bell peppers, and a plethora of other veggies in my hair, on my neck, in my shirt, dripping down my clothes to my boots. In addition to the colorful medley of veggies on and around me, a sour smell reached my nose. You might be thinking, “Duh, she just vomit all over you, the floor, and herself. Of course it’s going to smell sour.” Nope, that wasn’t all she did. Z Nugget had also finally pooped for the day.
What a debacle! Z Nugget was covered in throw up and walking around with a stinky nugget in her diaper. I was feeling disgusted by the squash clinging to my neck and vomit dripping down my shirt. I was also fighting off our dog Alvin from trying to eat veggie chunks off of the floor. And Little Nugget was wailing about no longer going on a walk. The only thing I could think as the chaos was happening was, “What do I clean up first?” It was me against the madness of unchewed veggies, a poopie diaper, hurt emotions, and a curious dog. It was me versus the reality of life, and I had to figure out how to handle it while standing on my own two feet. I was astonished that I didn’t fold and loose my temper on my Nuggets, and I believe this was because of the “bigger” situation I found myself in. It was no one’s fault, it was simply a real moment in the life of a real human being.
Everything worked out. I managed to clean up Z Nugget’s vomit without too much collateral damage, calm Little Nugget down by explaining that sometimes things like this happen and they suck, and managed to get all three of us in the bath for a cleansing shower.
I know that the walk would have been good for us. However, I believe that all the nuggets that were thrown at me were more necessary for me to understand my current situation. It helped me remember that there will be times when life presents me with a plethora of sucky moments, and I have to figure out which one to handle first. I have to be the one to decide which shit nugget to catch, which nugget to clean up, which one to let splat on the wall, and which one to let fall on the ground.
This moment in motherhood was influential in my current positive state. It reaffirmed the importance of identifying emotions, allowing myself to feel those emotions, and not dwell on them … for too long.
I believe we’re productive beings, but when it comes to emotions, we need to give ourselves the time to clean things up one emotion at a time. I know we don’t know exactly how much time we have, but taking the necessary time is all right just as long as we’re being proactive and honest with ourselves.
Cheers to the shit nugget moments that open our eyes to more important things!
To listen to the audio version, click below: