I owe Little Nugget an apology tomorrow. I almost want to go into the room and wake him up, hug him, tell him that I love him, and apologize to him, but I know that would be unfair. It would be unfair because I’d be interrupting his sleep and doing things on my time. I am learning to respect people’s time, including my Nuggets’ time, and deal with things when the moment is right. (I tend to rush and force solutions.)
I’ve been battling a phase, and I’m at the point of what seems to be full consciousness of it—what would that be called…acceptance?—so I’m ready to deal with it. I’m ready to change and better my emotional and physical wellbeing. I’m going to find my rhythm again. My cycle—also known as my period—is figuring itself out after Z Nugget, so I’m irritable, and finding myself lost every day is causing my to feel unaccomplished. I need to find myself again!
It comes down to self-care. There was a time when I was waking up to a Nugget-free morning, allowing me to hike hours in the mountains. I’d even pick up trash in my local trails! That’s how much time I had to myself, to think. Then, I took on stay-at-home motherhood—not complaining. Not too long after that I took on homeschooling Little Nugget and my niece while having Z Nugget. (Homeschooling on top of attempting to work from home.) What I’m trying to say is, I’ve gotten caught in the vicious cycle of not consciously doing anything for myself.
(I feel my negative energy subsiding as I share this with you. I feel like someone who understands me and is traveling a similar journey is hearing me out. Thank you. I appreciate you being there to read my words. Please share your journey with me too.)
I’m excited to start saying “yes” to myself again. It’s unfair how easy it is to forget how to take care of myself and how hard it is to remember. I guess it’s hard because every time I need to remember I have to alter, adapt, or altogether find a new way to feel strong, worthy, beautiful, or just plain positive (on a daily basis) without forcing it.
Tomorrow I will apologize to Little Nugget. I will let him know that he didn’t deserve having my bad energy being taken out on him. My sweet boy needs to know that I was irritable, tired, and not in a happy place. Nothing was his fault, and I appreciate him for loving me even when I am short with him.
Cheers to unconditional love…for each other and ourselves!