I always knew I wanted to be a mother of four

Truth is…I thought I wanted to until I had two Nuggets of my own.

When I realized I was done childbearing, I felt a rush of emotions from both sides of the spectrum. I found that my mind and heart needed space to grieve. My body? Not so much. This may come as a surprise to some because if you followed my blog during my pregnancy with Z Nugget, you know that I love pregnancy.

I loved being pregnant, but recently had to come to terms with the fact that I do not want to raise anymore children. I also want the space—in other words, I want my body to myself—to do the physical activity I love to do without worrying how the child I’m growing will be affected.

Coming to this realization was good; however, it didn’t come without a downside. In addition to feeling liberated from having to wonder if I want more children or not, I also felt saddened by the idea that I will not have the beautiful pregnancy experience again. I had to address my sadness in order to feel at peace with myself.

I know there are many possibilities that are out of my control, but I am now confident in saying that I am a mother of two healthy and crazy Nuggets that I adore with all of my existence, and I don’t want any more. Two is my maximum for a healthy state of mind. A healthy me means my family will be well, and for this understanding, I am grateful.

I’m sure that I will receive the comment of, “But you’re still young,” many times in my future, but I feel like I’m in a good place knowing that my reproductive “needs” have been met.

Understanding this about myself has also brought me more respect to all the women out there. To the women who choose….

to never become pregnant
to terminate a pregnancy
to have only one child
or to have a dozen or more children…

I respect you, honor you, and don’t judge you for your decisions. No one will ever know what it is to walk in your shoes.

Cheers to learning about ourselves!

jas_14
Going through my pictures to choose one for this post was like going down memory lane. (Yes, my eyes got moist.) This is me pregnant with Little Nugget. It was a magical time in my life. Remembering the feeling, it was like being in the honey moon phase. If I could wish for one thing for ALL pregnant women, it would be feeling the way I did for 10 months with Little Nugget. This was the reason I fell in love with growing and birthing little human beings.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s