Truth is…my talents will only be potential energy unless I put them to practice.
I remember my seventh grade geometry teacher saying that being described as having potential, at one point in your life, is not a good thing. This came as a shock to me because throughout my childhood, being told that I had potential made adults excited for and proud of me. My teacher’s comment confused me…until I experienced what he meant.
Since deciding to be a stay-at-home mom, I unknowingly began retreating from doing, or practicing, the things I like. As I mentioned in my post a couple of days ago, “As with anything in life, when we lose sight of something—no matter how important it is—we lose knowledge and practice.” In that post, it was self-care. In this post, it’s my photography. (Reoccurring theme?)
I haven’t used my camera since early January. When I realized that, I felt sad and shocked, but felt too occupied with life as mom that I just put my camera away again. Since I can remember, I had never had my camera stored away for more than a couple of days. I had turned my talent to potential energy, and potential energy, I’ve realized doesn’t do my self-confidence any good.
Today I had my first photoshoot since December. Without the practice of shooting regular life on a daily basis, I felt anxious, scared, and doubtful leading up to the photoshoot. I had to keep telling myself—out loud—that I had done it before and I could do it again, but saying it and believe it are two very different things. I thanked God for the opportunity, my abilities, my gear, the day, I thanked him for everything hoping that my gratitude would bring me the confidence I needed to feel like I could deliver. However, all of the talk was fruitless. That potential energy was slowly gnawing at my confidence.
I shared my vulnerability on Instagram. I needed support and immediately received it. I am so grateful for the people who reached out and gave me words of wisdom, love, experience, and solidarity. The support encouraged some belief that I could do it. The support said it loud and clear, it told me that I needed to get out there and just do it.
The only way my potential energy would stop poisoning the knowledge that I had it in me to capture memories beautifully was to convert it to kinetic energy. I know it sounds cheesy, but what is the definition of kinetic? “Pertaining to motion.” So, I used the good energy from the support I received and got moving. The doubt dissipated the more pictures I took.
The way I’ve come to understand it is…it’s like when my limb falls asleep, it hurts and uncomfortably tingles as my limb is “waking up”. Not practicing even the things I love to do will hurt and make me tingle uncomfortably when I get back to them. However, this doesn’t mean I can’t do them at all if I don’t practice, it just means I need to just do it even if I’m rusty. I’ll need your help to remember this because I seem to forget it often.
Cheers to being graceful with ourselves!