These 40 days

I haven’t written every day this Lenten season as I had hoped to, but in reading my initial post about the 40 days leading up to Easter, I was reminded that the goal was to work on personal growth not create more stress for myself. I’m happy to look back and see that I gave myself grace. I’m grateful for the experiences that have helped with this because giving myself space to not be stressed is not the easiest thing for me to do, but that’s a topic for a different day.

I was going to attempt to write everyday, and I am attempting to, which is what matters, right? Life just gets in the way, and I’m not talking about my Nuggets, the daily routine, or anything that’s not me. I mean life as in my individualized thoughts, feelings, and stressors.

Although I haven’t sat in front of a screen to type away or pressed paper with a pen, I have reflected every day since Lent began. Some reflections bring me peace and inspire me to keep going, while others have opened wounds that I thought were healed. Old issues like negative self-image have been triggered, resurfacing the emotions that were produced as I dealt with this issue years ago. Through this time there has been a constant, though. The constant has been the way my realizations shine a light on the areas of my life that are healthy and I’ve made progress on, and others that I believed to be healthy but turn out not to be.

These 40 days were initially began to practice my writing while trying to improving my quality of life, but having old issues arise helps me understand how much more important it is to improve myself over improving my writing. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I’m grateful that it’s not harder than anything I’ve already been through.

Cheers to conscious growth!

Image by Little Nugget. I feel this image accurately depicts where I am. I am happy with my life (why I smile), yet I am supporting myself (why my hand is holding my head up) as I work through old issues. 

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