I’m still here. I think about you often; however, I feel numb towards you and my “love” for writing. I think I’ve lost myself in motherhood. I always thought I’d never be one of those stay-at-home moms that only took care of their children. I always thought I’d be nothing but grateful for being able to see my children grow on a daily basis instead of only after I came home from my corporate job. Well, now I feel embarrassed because I’m eating my words. Although I do more than only take care of my Nuggets (plus my niece) and am grateful for all the time I get with them, I find myself with no desire to do anything else and with no idea of who I am.
Who am I? What do I like? What do I want to do with my life? These are questions that I ask myself often, but have not found a clear answer to.
I try to stay grounded. I attempt finding clarity through the things that used to bring me peace and answers, but my heart isn’t receiving the transmissions. I want to believe that I’m shedding and growing into new skin, but could it be my occasionally faulty mental health blurring my thoughts, numbing my feelings, and confusing my being? Whatever it may be, I hold on to the hope that it’s all for the best for me and my family.
I think the end to the “cheers” is here and the beginning to the transmissions has come. I need to figure myself out.
Through the help of this post, I transmit that my internal emotions are not aligned, nor have they ever been.