A new memory of us

I recently posted in a mom Facebook group I’m a part of asking for help. I asked for date ideas. See, I lack the ability to plan time with my lover, not that I’m using this as an excuse not to. I have recognized that it’s a cycle. I start feeling disconnected from my better half, I panic and begin attempting to plan dates with him, but feel overwhelmed by the vague connection between us and this ends up killing my creativity in date planning.

I got about 16 comments in response to my request for advice on the Facebook group. There were comments with suggestions, advice, support and solidarity. It was calming to read that I wasn’t alone, and to see such an extensive list of affordable date ideas.

Within 24 hours of having posted my request to the mom group, as if our energies were aligning, my lover came home from work mentioning he wanted to play a song for me, a song that made him think of me. The Nuggets were put to bed, my lover and I sat on the couch, and he played the song. The song was “Love” by Kendrick Lamar. It was the first time I had heard it.

I sat listening to the song. My lover ended up laying on my lap. We didn’t say anything. We seemed to be in distant worlds absorbing the lyrics, the rhythm of the song, but at the same time, so close that our hearts felt the warmth I remember from before we became parents. At least, that’s what I felt and am confident that he did too because as he lifted his head from my lap, he was wiping tears from his cheeks.

This song has now become the trigger of a new memory that my heart and our relationship needed. This song has simplified my ideas of what our dates should be — time together to indulge in the love we have for each other. However, this time still needs to be outside of our living space and away from our children.

Now, when I hear this song on the radio, my stomach is invaded by what feels like 1000 butterflies. I get giddy and I feel a warmth that leads me wanting to be wrapped in my lover’s arms.

I’ve said this before, but there’s no harm in saying it again. I need to work harder at tending to the fire and passion that made me a mother. I want my husband to love his wife before loving the mother of his children. Does that make sense?

Through the help with this post, I transmit that I need to focus more energy on balancing my role as a wife, mother, and individual. However, I know it’s easier said than done.

bday116
Over twelve years ago.
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