Remember how I briefly shared about my depressive episode caused by the cascade of emotions that came from extreme sleep deprivation on top of Z Nugget not acting like herself? Well, I think Josh figured out what’s going on with Z Nugget, but before I go into detail about Josh’s findings, I’d like to describe to you what Z Nugget has been like lately.
It was evening time. Z Nugget and I had gotten home from my mom’s house. We had spent almost the entire day at my mom’s and I had not heard Z Nugget cry at all. It had not been even ten minutes since getting home when Z Nugget laid herself out on the floor, belly down, kicking her feet, screaming at the top of her lungs. The worst part is, there was no explanation to why. She had been playing perfectly fine on her own just moments before. Josh had to take a phone call for work, so he suggested I sit with her and talk to her in the meantime. He recommended I not pick her up, rather help her safely get through her tantrum. This was all new to me. Little Nugget had not done this at all. Ever. I called my mom as I needed moral support while Josh took care of his call. I let my mom know that Z Nugget was back to the screaming and crying. Her theory, unfortunately, only made things more complicated in my head. (All those darn theories!) Thankfully, Z Nugget eventually calmed down and she went back to playing.
Once Josh was done with his call, we both sat on our bedroom floor as we watched Z Nugget play and act “normal”. We sat in silence for a few minutes, bewildered by Z Nugget’s attitude and actions. Josh was the first one to speak. I honestly had nothing to say as my head was going in circles with what I had possibly done or am doing wrong for Z Nugget to be acting this way.
One of the first things Josh mentioned was how he could see the stress on my face and body. (I don’t hide stress well.) Then, he went on to explain that Z Nugget is a completely new and different human being, there’s nothing wrong with her or me, neither one of us needs fixing, we just need to teach her how to cope according to her needs just as we’ve done with Little Nugget. His explanation sounded like he was a psychological professional! I was impressed—and not to mention grateful—by how quickly his in-the-moment thoughts and interpretation of our current Z Nugget situation put things in perspective for me.
After listening to Josh, all I could think was, “DUH!!” It all made sense to me. I’ve been expecting Z Nugget to act and react exactly like Little Nugget. I’ve been expecting her to be Little Nugget. I’ve been so unfair to Z Nugget! However, I could not beat myself up for it because I was blind and now I see. (Cheesy, I know.)
Looking back at how much Little Nugget has grown and how much work that growth took made me understand that I should not be taking Z Nugget’s tantrums personal. I see this all in a new light. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I know where to go from here. Well, I don’t mean I literally know exactly what Z Nugget needs to flourish into a responsible, confident, loving, caring, etc., human being, but I at least know that I am capable of raising such a human being because Little Nugget is proof…with Josh’s help and support of course.
Thanks for joining me on this crazy ride! I am grateful for you and your support.
Cheers to honoring our children’s individuality!