I was home alone with my Nuggets. I knew it was going to be a late work day for Josh (shameless plugin: I am grateful for how hard he works for us) so I bathed the Nuggets as soon as we got home. As the Nuggets and I were in our vanity area getting dressed, the closet door was open and Little Nugget saw a bag of pads — as in the feminine hygiene product — and asked, “Mom, what are those?”
I will admit that I love when Little Nugget asks questions because I see it as a door being opened for me to influence his learning, and it is satisfying for me to know that I am one of the biggest influences in his life. I don’t take my role as educator lightly and do my best to provide Little Nugget with the most accurate information while keeping his age in mind.
The conversation that followed from Little Nugget’s question went like this …
Me: “Those are pads, papa.”
LN: “What are pads?”
Me: “Pads are things women use.”
LN: “Why do women use them for?” (I love the way he constructs his sentences. I’m going to miss correcting his grammar.)
Me: “Women use them once a month when their uteruses bleed.”
LN: “Oh! So you used pads when Zion was born?” (I love seeing his light bulb turn on.)
Me: “Yes, papa, I actually did use pads when Zion was born. You have a good memory and that was a great observation.”
The conversation was short yet informative enough to satisfy Little Nugget’s need to know more. At least, I can only think it was satisfying for him because Little Nugget put the pads back where he got them from and continued on with his evening.
It was difficult to restrain myself from making a big deal about the conversation, but I knew that celebrating the conversation within myself (and now on my blog) would be best to keep the normalcy intact, especially because of what he learned about.
These are some of the moments that make me the proudest. Little Nugget’s curiosity helps fulfill my want and need to equip my children with information, lessons, and experiences that will help make them conscious beings. I am looking forward to the questions Little Nugget will ask as he becomes older, and I am also up for the challenge as I know they will not all be as easy as describing what pads are.
I have missed sharing my experiences with you for the last two weeks. As much as I love writing, it was not a part of my agenda due to a natural phenomenon called life.
As many of us may experience often, life can suck, and other times it can really suck to the point where there’s no motivation to do anything other than get through the day. Getting through my days was my goal. I must stop here and clarify something, though. I began writing this post with some misplaced passion. My life doesn’t suck, it has simply been teaching me about myself and the world around me on a deeper level and in a different way than I have ever experienced. (I’m relieved to say that depression was not included.)
I am here now and ready to move forward. Once again it has been motherhood that has grounded me and taught me that I can’t sit and dwell — for too long — because there are people whose wellbeing depends on mine. The following was the moment that snapped me out of my dwelling place.
It was 4:30 p.m. My Nuggets and I had gotten home early enough to go on a walk, which we haven’t done in a couple of months now. Little Nugget and I were antsy to get out because it’s been a colder-and-wetter-than-normal season for us here in Southern California. The season has kept us indoors more than we are accustomed to, and the lack of outdoor adventure has caused difficulties in our my motivation.
Little Nugget did not waste time in preparing himself. He needed this walk as much as I did. He had his jacket and helmet on, and was on his bicycle riding circles around Z Nugget and me before I asked him to do so. I, other the other hand, was chasing after Z Nugget to bundle her up for the cold breeze. As I picked her up to put her jacket on, Z Nugget regurgitated her last meal all over me, herself, and the floor. I had chunks of squash, green beans, bell peppers, and a plethora of other veggies in my hair, on my neck, in my shirt, dripping down my clothes to my boots. In addition to the colorful medley of veggies on and around me, a sour smell reached my nose. You might be thinking, “Duh, she just vomit all over you, the floor, and herself. Of course it’s going to smell sour.” Nope, that wasn’t all she did. Z Nugget had also finally pooped for the day.
What a debacle! Z Nugget was covered in throw up and walking around with a stinky nugget in her diaper. I was feeling disgusted by the squash clinging to my neck and vomit dripping down my shirt. I was also fighting off our dog Alvin from trying to eat veggie chunks off of the floor. And Little Nugget was wailing about no longer going on a walk. The only thing I could think as the chaos was happening was, “What do I clean up first?” It was me against the madness of unchewed veggies, a poopie diaper, hurt emotions, and a curious dog. It was me versus the reality of life, and I had to figure out how to handle it while standing on my own two feet. I was astonished that I didn’t fold and loose my temper on my Nuggets, and I believe this was because of the “bigger” situation I found myself in. It was no one’s fault, it was simply a real moment in the life of a real human being.
Everything worked out. I managed to clean up Z Nugget’s vomit without too much collateral damage, calm Little Nugget down by explaining that sometimes things like this happen and they suck, and managed to get all three of us in the bath for a cleansing shower.
I know that the walk would have been good for us. However, I believe that all the nuggets that were thrown at me were more necessary for me to understand my current situation. It helped me remember that there will be times when life presents me with a plethora of sucky moments, and I have to figure out which one to handle first. I have to be the one to decide which shit nugget to catch, which nugget to clean up, which one to let splat on the wall, and which one to let fall on the ground.
This moment in motherhood was influential in my current positive state. It reaffirmed the importance of identifying emotions, allowing myself to feel those emotions, and not dwell on them … for too long.
I believe we’re productive beings, but when it comes to emotions, we need to give ourselves the time to clean things up one emotion at a time. I know we don’t know exactly how much time we have, but taking the necessary time is all right just as long as we’re being proactive and honest with ourselves.
Cheers to the shit nugget moments that open our eyes to more important things!
The night Z Nugget had her febrile seizure, Little Nugget also underwent stress. It was inevitable due to him being home when it all happened. There was a moment when Josh considered leaving him home with a trusted friend while he accompanied Z Nugget and me to the hospital. However, upon sensing Little Nugget’s distress, Josh decided to stay home and comfort him. I comforted Z Nugget in the ER while Josh comforted Little Nugget at home.
When Z Nugget was discharged—past two in the morning—I called Josh to pick us up from the hospital. (We live less than two minutes from the hospital, so Z Nugget and I didn’t wait long.) Of course, Little Nugget was in tow. As Josh and Little Nugget pulled up, I started walking out of the ER’s double doors—holding Z Nugget tightly in my arms covered with a blanket—when I noticed my Little Nugget wide awake in his car seat, his head bent forward as he looked to make sure I had Z Nugget with me. I only know he was making sure I had his little sister with me because the first thing he asked me when I got in the passenger seat was, “Can I see Zion?” I lifted her up and took the blanket off of her head, and am pretty sure I started crying. (I feel the emotion I felt then as I write this, and it’s causing me the biggest knot in my throat!)
Little Nugget loves his sister. I believe we manifested this love during my pregnancy with Z Nugget, and we see the love flourishing. I am grateful for Little Nugget as he’s made my transition from mother of one to mother of two easier because of his love for Z Nugget.