They grow up and I’m learning to grow with them

Little Nugget has been homeschooled this year. I haven’t followed a curriculum or have a learning routine for him and his cousin—who I also homeschool—but I know that they’ve at least learned their vowels, a few three-dimensional shapes, and how to safely cross the street from me.

Although I enjoy teaching Little Nugget and am grateful to be able to do it, Little Nugget and I are ready to move onto the next phase in our lives…well, will be soon. We are ready for “big school”, as Little Nugget calls it, but just because we are “ready” doesn’t mean I’m handling it as smoothly as it sounds like I am.

I am was having anxiety. Nothing serious, but I was in need of support, reassurance, and comfort as I mentally prepare to send my first baby off to school. (I’m starting this process early so I don’t find myself an emotional ruin when August comes.)

This is all new territory for me and I’m feeling the growing pains. I feel blessed to be a part of several communities that provide me ideas, perspectives, options, and empathy to remind me that this too shall pass. I will conquer this phase in my life growing in knowledge, humility, and gratitude, which I will in the near future be able to pass along to another mom in the same shoes I currently find myself in.

Cheers to the growing pains that make us stronger!

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What I love best about teaching my Nuggets is I can do it anywhere. 
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Forgetting the expectations

I’m saying forget the expectations I have for myself. Forget the requirement of my posts being at least 400 words long. (Why is that even a rule for myself? No one’s paying me.) I haven’t written for my little space in almost a week, and all because I haven’t made the time to sit and write every thought in my head. I wish to change that.

Today, I declare myself free of the expectations and write because I love it, because I enjoy it. I’ll leave the rules to the people I write for and that pay me. (I make it sound like there’s a list of them. I’m manifesting the list!)

I’m giving my heart full range again, and as with many things in my life, I have motherhood to thank for that. I took my Nuggets on a mini-adventure to our local mountains and was hoping to capture all of our adventure, but my phone died. It was the best thing to have happened because it reminded me that the best things to be learned aren’t found in text, they’re found in experiences.

Cheers to being free from the expectations!

These 40 days

I haven’t written every day this Lenten season as I had hoped to, but in reading my initial post about the 40 days leading up to Easter, I was reminded that the goal was to work on personal growth not create more stress for myself. I’m happy to look back and see that I gave myself grace. I’m grateful for the experiences that have helped with this because giving myself space to not be stressed is not the easiest thing for me to do, but that’s a topic for a different day.

I was going to attempt to write everyday, and I am attempting to, which is what matters, right? Life just gets in the way, and I’m not talking about my Nuggets, the daily routine, or anything that’s not me. I mean life as in my individualized thoughts, feelings, and stressors.

Although I haven’t sat in front of a screen to type away or pressed paper with a pen, I have reflected every day since Lent began. Some reflections bring me peace and inspire me to keep going, while others have opened wounds that I thought were healed. Old issues like negative self-image have been triggered, resurfacing the emotions that were produced as I dealt with this issue years ago. Through this time there has been a constant, though. The constant has been the way my realizations shine a light on the areas of my life that are healthy and I’ve made progress on, and others that I believed to be healthy but turn out not to be.

These 40 days were initially began to practice my writing while trying to improving my quality of life, but having old issues arise helps me understand how much more important it is to improve myself over improving my writing. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I’m grateful that it’s not harder than anything I’ve already been through.

Cheers to conscious growth!

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Image by Little Nugget. I feel this image accurately depicts where I am. I am happy with my life (why I smile), yet I am supporting myself (why my hand is holding my head up) as I work through old issues.