A new memory of us

I recently posted in a mom Facebook group I’m a part of asking for help. I asked for date ideas. See, I lack the ability to plan time with my lover, not that I’m using this as an excuse not to. I have recognized that it’s a cycle. I start feeling disconnected from my better half, I panic and begin attempting to plan dates with him, but feel overwhelmed by the vague connection between us and this ends up killing my creativity in date planning.

I got about 16 comments in response to my request for advice on the Facebook group. There were comments with suggestions, advice, support and solidarity. It was calming to read that I wasn’t alone, and to see such an extensive list of affordable date ideas.

Within 24 hours of having posted my request to the mom group, as if our energies were aligning, my lover came home from work mentioning he wanted to play a song for me, a song that made him think of me. The Nuggets were put to bed, my lover and I sat on the couch, and he played the song. The song was “Love” by Kendrick Lamar. It was the first time I had heard it.

I sat listening to the song. My lover ended up laying on my lap. We didn’t say anything. We seemed to be in distant worlds absorbing the lyrics, the rhythm of the song, but at the same time, so close that our hearts felt the warmth I remember from before we became parents. At least, that’s what I felt and am confident that he did too because as he lifted his head from my lap, he was wiping tears from his cheeks.

This song has now become the trigger of a new memory that my heart and our relationship needed. This song has simplified my ideas of what our dates should be — time together to indulge in the love we have for each other. However, this time still needs to be outside of our living space and away from our children.

Now, when I hear this song on the radio, my stomach is invaded by what feels like 1000 butterflies. I get giddy and I feel a warmth that leads me wanting to be wrapped in my lover’s arms.

I’ve said this before, but there’s no harm in saying it again. I need to work harder at tending to the fire and passion that made me a mother. I want my husband to love his wife before loving the mother of his children. Does that make sense?

Through the help with this post, I transmit that I need to focus more energy on balancing my role as a wife, mother, and individual. However, I know it’s easier said than done.

Over twelve years ago.

5/8/17 – Black Cherry’s second fertilization

I’m starting to record the data I gather in regard to my Black Cherry tomato plant in hopes that someday it will turn into valuable information. This may sound eccentric for many, but imagine a farm (or a great number of farms) of food grown with the help of women’s menstrual fluid? I feel like a huge shift in many aspects of life would have to happen in order for something like this to be acceptable where I live, but a bleeder can dream. I will continue sharing this experiment of mine (inspired by other woman) hoping that I can bring that shift closer to my community.

I fertilized Black Cherry for the second time on May 8, 2017.
(Black Cherry’s first fertilization was April 20, 2017.)

I measured 1 ounce of menstrual fluid. Although the ratio is 10:1, I diluted my fluid with enough water to thoroughly moisten Black Cherry’s soil. I figured more water to dilute my fluid couldn’t hurt whereas not enough water could since a concentrated amount of fluid (or fertilizer) can shock and burn my thriving tomato plant.
(The first time, I measured 4 ounces of fluid.)

Black Cherry measured 55 inches from soil to the tallest stem.
(Unfortunately, I don’t have any other measurements as of right now.)

I am excited to record more data and add more plants to my experiment!

In case you are wondering about my missing mason jar, my lover found it! (I had a feeling he’d be the one to find it.) My lover discovered it behind our bedroom closet door wrapped in a cloth bag while cleaning our little home. Could I be feeding some of my brain cells to Black Cherry too? (That’s a rhetorical question. I know it’s just the mom brain doing its thing.)


The case of the missing mason jar

I cannot find the 32+ ounce mason jar that I bought specifically to collect my menstrual fluid. I have looked—at least, I think I have—everywhere in our apartment. It’s only 600+ square feet, so there aren’t too many places I could have stored a large glass mason jar!

Not finding this jar has been driving me crazy. I bought it because it was large enough for the 10:1 ratio. I have my process for my collection so not having it is throwing me off. I’m hoping I find it before my period ends because if I don’t, feeding Black Cherry will be interesting. Oh duh, I can always go to the 99 Cent Store where I bought it from. Just kidding, it’s not the end of the world!

I still hope I find that dang jar, though.

Through the help of this post, I transmit that I don’t like my processes to deviate from how I’ve set them up, and have a difficult time accepting that I may have to alter them.

Big Nugget


When a family member or close friend is overreacting for what seems insignificant, what do you tell them to snap them out of it? To help them accept that they have to move forward with a different option?

Have you seen this jar? I haven’t. Ha!