Dear blog

I’m still here. I think about you often; however, I feel numb towards you and my “love” for writing. I think I’ve lost myself in motherhood. I always thought I’d never be one of those stay-at-home moms that only took care of their children. I always thought I’d be nothing but grateful for being able to see my children grow on a daily basis instead of only after I came home from my corporate job. Well, now I feel embarrassed because I’m eating my words. Although I do more than only take care of my Nuggets (plus my niece) and am grateful for all the time I get with them, I find myself with no desire to do anything else and with no idea of who I am.

Who am I? What do I like? What do I want to do with my life? These are questions that I ask myself often, but have not found a clear answer to.

I try to stay grounded. I attempt finding clarity through the things that used to bring me peace and answers, but my heart isn’t receiving the transmissions. I want to believe that I’m shedding and growing into new skin, but could it be my occasionally faulty mental health blurring my thoughts, numbing my feelings, and confusing my being? Whatever it may be, I hold on to the hope that it’s all for the best for me and my family.

I think the end to the “cheers” is here and the beginning to the transmissions has come. I need to figure myself out.

Through the help of this post, I transmit that my internal emotions are not aligned, nor have they ever been.

Big Nugget

Life looks different through a lens. It looks easier, brighter, and magical. I am grateful for everything I have and everything I’ve been through. My life is a breeze compared to many. I must remember this.

One of the greatest rights

To me, one of the biggest and most beautiful mysteries of life is the creation of a human being. Of course, we know how it all happens thanks to the many sciences that help explain the phenomenon of cells coming together to make an extraordinary creature known as a person. Woman after woman carries their baby not knowing what their baby will look like, act like, or if they will even get along with them, but these women continue to rent their uteruses to these individuals, the only individuals that will know what their heart sounds like from the inside.  The only people that will know what their blood rushing through their veins sounds like. The only people that hold a very special key to their mother’s heart.

Today, I was blessed with being a witness to the birth of a beautiful baby boy named Elias.  He was born alert and ready to absorb everything this world has to offer him.  Although, seeing him now a part of this physical world is touching, the process of birthing him is probably my favorite part of it all. It’s not that I enjoyed watching his mother in pain, but it is a reminder of the blessing it is to be able to labor, feel the pain of birthing your child, and delivering your baby to finally hold him/her in your arms. Every contraction was a reminder that this is the only pain with a grand prize at the end.  Every deep breath is not only for the mother, but the baby. True selflessness is demonstrated through labor, and being able to labor is one of the greatest rights as a woman, in my opinion.

I want to thank Genesis and Nicholas for allowing me to be a part of their journey to bring baby Elias to the world. You two make a wonderful couple, and are already great parents! I see the strong team you two make and the foundation of true love that it lays on. May God bless you with years of strength, courage, confidence, health, and love to share with Elias.

Also, a huge thanks to the people that give me the love and support I need to continue pursuing my dream of being a resource to pregnant women. Josh, Jelly, Norma, Robin, Lucy, Jennifer, Dr. Charlotte, and to all of those I didn’t mention, my heart holds your encouraging words close and know that I cherish you dearly.

Cheers to the people that make our dreams more of a reality!

The power of a supportive partner.
Kuddos to you, Nicholas, for being well informed about how to help Genesis with the production of oxytocin.
A proud father having his first moments with his son.
IMG_3837I love Genesis’ face! The face of a happy momma.
Congratulations Genesis and Nicholas! I am so proud of you two. Thank you so much for allowing me to share such a special moment with you.