Be your effing self!

After writing the post earlier, I felt some relief. I was able to reflect a little easier. Could I have been going through writer’s block? Anyways, the point that my reflection made to me was that I can’t expect to stay the same forever. I will continue evolving. I have to allow myself to continue growing. I need to get the heck out of my way. Does anyone else feel a negative way when your current interests get pushed out of the way by a new passion? I don’t understand why I’m forcing myself to stay when all I want to do is go.

If this resonates with you, I’m asking for your support because I’m trying to stop perceiving myself as an indecisive quitter. (Geesh, that sounds harsh now that I write it out.)

I’m writing in real time, and I mention it because I’m on the verge of accepting that I am not a high-paid lifestyle blogger, nor should I try and act or write like one. After writing that out, all I can think is, “Be your effing self, Jasmin!” Real time, for me, means finding a solution as I write. As I write, I hear my brain thinking slower, and I can analyze better, step out of my box of emotions, and see my options unfold.

My blog is in the process of evolving. I must accept this and embrace it.

Be expected to read about my journeys with:

  • my menstrual cycle,
  • my return to cycling (I hope!)
  • figuring out who I am professionally
  • minimalizing in real life and on social media

If you continue to follow me, I appreciate you. If you don’t, I understand and I appreciate the journeys you travelled with me.

Through the help of this post, I transmit that I am ready to get out of my way and allow myself to thrive once again.

Big Nugget


May I ask you a question? I’m really hoping you comment because I’m interested in who you as a person, not only a reader. Why do you follow my blog? If you don’t, but liked this post, why did you like this post…or not? I don’t ask with the intent of receiving praise, but because I’m interested in you’re perspective. I want to learn about you, the person reading this. Not in a creepy way, but to expand my views. Honoring opposing perspectives and/or receiving supporting words from someone that can relate, I am finding, is food to my being. 

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I am excited to start sharing my menstrual cycle journey with you!

 

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Dear blog

I’m still here. I think about you often; however, I feel numb towards you and my “love” for writing. I think I’ve lost myself in motherhood. I always thought I’d never be one of those stay-at-home moms that only took care of their children. I always thought I’d be nothing but grateful for being able to see my children grow on a daily basis instead of only after I came home from my corporate job. Well, now I feel embarrassed because I’m eating my words. Although I do more than only take care of my Nuggets (plus my niece) and am grateful for all the time I get with them, I find myself with no desire to do anything else and with no idea of who I am.

Who am I? What do I like? What do I want to do with my life? These are questions that I ask myself often, but have not found a clear answer to.

I try to stay grounded. I attempt finding clarity through the things that used to bring me peace and answers, but my heart isn’t receiving the transmissions. I want to believe that I’m shedding and growing into new skin, but could it be my occasionally faulty mental health blurring my thoughts, numbing my feelings, and confusing my being? Whatever it may be, I hold on to the hope that it’s all for the best for me and my family.

I think the end to the “cheers” is here and the beginning to the transmissions has come. I need to figure myself out.

Through the help of this post, I transmit that my internal emotions are not aligned, nor have they ever been.

Big Nugget

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Life looks different through a lens. It looks easier, brighter, and magical. I am grateful for everything I have and everything I’ve been through. My life is a breeze compared to many. I must remember this.

These 40 days

I haven’t written every day this Lenten season as I had hoped to, but in reading my initial post about the 40 days leading up to Easter, I was reminded that the goal was to work on personal growth not create more stress for myself. I’m happy to look back and see that I gave myself grace. I’m grateful for the experiences that have helped with this because giving myself space to not be stressed is not the easiest thing for me to do, but that’s a topic for a different day.

I was going to attempt to write everyday, and I am attempting to, which is what matters, right? Life just gets in the way, and I’m not talking about my Nuggets, the daily routine, or anything that’s not me. I mean life as in my individualized thoughts, feelings, and stressors.

Although I haven’t sat in front of a screen to type away or pressed paper with a pen, I have reflected every day since Lent began. Some reflections bring me peace and inspire me to keep going, while others have opened wounds that I thought were healed. Old issues like negative self-image have been triggered, resurfacing the emotions that were produced as I dealt with this issue years ago. Through this time there has been a constant, though. The constant has been the way my realizations shine a light on the areas of my life that are healthy and I’ve made progress on, and others that I believed to be healthy but turn out not to be.

These 40 days were initially began to practice my writing while trying to improving my quality of life, but having old issues arise helps me understand how much more important it is to improve myself over improving my writing. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but I’m grateful that it’s not harder than anything I’ve already been through.

Cheers to conscious growth!

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Image by Little Nugget. I feel this image accurately depicts where I am. I am happy with my life (why I smile), yet I am supporting myself (why my hand is holding my head up) as I work through old issues.