Owning my shadow

The following post is a reflection from reading “Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche” by Robert A. Johnson, a book I recommend. 

Robert A. Johnson has helped activate something in my Self*. I understand where my connection needed to be made in order for me to love my whole Self. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt. It feels harmonious. It feels like this love won’t fade. How do I know? I’m not flying off the handle bars with obsessive love, which normally becomes exhausted and is reduced to a plateaued love. Nothing wrong with that. At all.
This love feels different because I feel whole and fulfilled when I receive it. I am not disappointed or annoyed by it. I am no longer reaching out for it because I have exactly what I need for my Self.
Sounds so simple, and am just now understanding it. It took me 31 years. Not bad!

“To transform opposition into paradox is to allow both sides of an issue, both pairs of opposites, to exist in equal dignity and worth.” page 86

Giving all of me dignity has made a noticeable difference in the way I receive, embrace, and nurture my being. Using “and” instead of “but” has aided my process.

I want to hang out with my children, but I need to pick up our living space.
I want to hang out with my children, and I need to pick up our living space.

I have found that “and” makes space for unity and wholeness. It removes my resistance. It doesn’t make either side bad or good, right or wrong, they simply are. “And” helps align  it all with my being because they both are my truths. “And” helps me become open to options and solutions.

As always, I hope my reflections reach the people they need to.
There is support available for you even when you feel the most alone.

-Big Nugget


*I capitalize “Self” as a reminder to treat my body, mind, and spirit (my entire being) with respect, love, and compassion like I do other beings who aren’t me. Often, it’s easier to treat others outside of me with kindness. Separating “my” and “Self” is a practice I’ve chosen to remind me that I am more than only my thoughts. 

You have permission

“Let me love.” I wrote this in my journal in big text.

“You have permission.” My Self replied.

The contradiction has become the paradox.
I am experiencing harmony with my being, body, and Self.
I feel beauty for and from my Self.

I savor the feeling for I know it is fleeting.

Big Nugget


The greatest of things

The greatest of things come from intense emotion — joy, bliss, pleasure, and gratitude as well as pain, anger, rage, and grief. (To name only a few.)

I feel like I’m in transformation. I feel different. I’ve discovered what it feels to truly love my Self.

I’ve begun separating my Self in text and in person. She, my Self, is comprised of these many aspects of me. You can find some of them expressed here on my blog. Others remain in the shadows, the shadows that would not be possible without my light.

“My” and “I”, I consider to be at the moment, the present moment.

More to come when it’s meant to come. Have to get moving.

Big Nugget