I was on a role for two weeks. I had so much energy, so much inspiration that I wrote 7 blog posts and scheduled them all within a two week period. Then, I went silent.… More
As I briefly mentioned in my return post, I quit social media. It has been one of the best decisions of my life. I quit because I found myself being someone I didn’t want to be. Frankly, I was annoying to myself. Let me list out my character (while using social media) for you:
- I would get irritated at my Nuggets for not allowing me to comment back to people or finish a post. I felt like my Nuggets were in the way of my social media usage.
- I was on my phone all the time! Even when I was “hanging out” with my Nuggets.
- I found myself making memories to share with others — more like show off to others — instead of for my family or myself.
- I would get jealous of other people’s lives. I wanted what everyone else had. I would question what everyone else had that I didn’t. I was always comparing myself to others.
- I would get annoyed by people I didn’t know because they had more likes or comments than me.
- Doing simple things like making a smoothie would take me three times as long because I had to document it all for people to see.
- I was compromising my privacy for attention.
- The list could go on.
I got lost in the virtual world, and I stopped living in the physical world. My family, the people closest to me, were getting the empty, irritated version of me because I was putting the best of me out there hoping to get attention.
(I’ll share with you how being unplugged has helped me grow stronger, love harder, and be better at being present in another post.)
My intention is not to make this a generalization of all social media users. I am cognizant that there are many different categories of users, I just happened to be leaning more towards the addicted type. This is all only me sharing my experience, reflections, and realizations.
I’m grateful that I decided to quit. I am grateful that cold-turkey worked for me.
What kind of social media user are you?
If you’ve been following my blog for the last week, you’ll know that I’ve been writing about my experience with not wearing a bra. I’ll say it’s been my “Free-the-tatas” series … just for fun. I’ll be transitioning to sharing about other areas of my life in the next posts, but I wanted to make sure I left some tips and resources for those of my womyn-friends (or others who are interested) who may find them useful.
Tips for going bra-less:
- Get used to the feel of not wearing a bra in a space where you feel safe and comfortable. Take off your bra whenever you can. Give those breasts a break!
- Wear a tank top underneath your shirt. Essentially, you’re still wearing “under”wear, but it’s not a bra that will prevent your lymphatic system from flowing and doing its work.
- Learn a breast massage that suits your needs and do it often in the shower, in front of a mirror, or in a space where you feel safe, comfortable, and won’t be interrupted. Get to know your breasts, become their friend.
- Find friends to talk to about your experience. Make sure they are friends that support you even if they don’t agree with you.
Feminine resources I recommend:
The following are a few resources that have helped me accept myself as a womyn, have encouraged me to get to know my body, and have empowered me to stand in my truth as I grow. I recommend these resources to anyone who is interested in empowering themselves with feminine energy.
- Cunt by Inga Muscio
- Love Your Lady Landscape by Lisa Lister
- Let There Be Luz podcast by Linda Garcia
Lastly, I have a question for my womyn readers.
Do you give your breasts a break from wearing a bra?
If yes, for about how many hours a day?
If no, why?
And for my non-womyn readers.
How do you feel about womyn not wearing a bra indefinitely?
If you don’t have experience with having to navigate a bra-less womyn, how would you feel if your mother, sister, girlfriend/fiancé/wife stopped wearing a bra for good?
I ask these questions because I’m curious about the whys and why nots, and to open dialogue about this topic. I’d love to receive your feedback.
In my last post, I noted that I’d share a funny story in another post. This is the funny story.
My husband and I were shopping at Target one night. I was wrapping up my first week of indefinitely going bra-less. I realized I had forgotten a sweater and found my nipples the same shape and feel as when they are in arousal mode. All I felt was cold until … I caught a man staring at my nipples. (My Little Nugget calls them “pimples”. HA!) As soon as I noticed the man staring at lively pair of nipples, I instantly became insecure and felt like I was doing something inappropriate. (No, I am NOT headed towards talking about any type of sexual assault.) My shoulders started melting downward to cave in my breasts to hide them. I paused as I caught myself. “Why are you hiding?” I felt my heart ask my brain. My body responded to my heart by picking up my chin, holding my shoulders out as if I were going to walk down the runway, and I felt an almost-incontrollable urge to laugh really loud. It was really hard to hold it together, but I managed.
After we passed the looker that helped make things awkward, all I wanted to do was talk about it with my husband. All I wanted to say was, “Did you see that guy? He made me feel insecure. The whole world is looking at me because I’m not wearing a bra! Hurry, give me your jacket!” It felt like I was riding a rollercoaster of emotions. It was really hard to hold it together, but somehow I managed.
When we arrived at home, I finally felt safe enough to express myself. I shared my experience, my thoughts, my emotions with my husband and sister-in-laws. In sharing my experience, one of my sister-in-laws mentioned how she catches people staring at her; she put it in terms I deeply resonated with, “When you stray from the norm, you are seen as weird, and it doesn’t take words to understand that.” It most definitely didn’t take words to understand that it can make some people feel uncomfortable to see a womyn’s hard pair of raw nipples, even if they’re being covered by clothing. It didn’t take words to realize that my breasts outside of my bra don’t look smooth, but pointy … they look different, and to some, unusual.
The urge to laugh didn’t go away until I finally did. I gave myself time to digest and reflect on what had gone on. I realized that laughing was a defense mechanism because that’s the only thing I could think of doing in the following situation that my brain took me to at the time of crossing paths with the looker …
What would I do if at some point in my bra-less life a person came up to me and rudely told me to put on a bra simply because my raw breasts made them uncomfortable? All I could think of doing is laugh. All I think I would do is laugh.*
There is so much more to talk about regarding (under-a-shirt) naked breasts. I thank you for being here to converse about it with me. Drop me your thoughts. Quality engagement turns me on.
* After sharing this with my husband, he made a suggestion if ever the occasion arises, “Tell them, ‘Well then, tell me something about yourself that would make me uncomfortable and then we’re even.'”