Owning my shadow

The following post is a reflection from reading “Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche” by Robert A. Johnson, a book I recommend.  Robert A. Johnson has helped activate something in my… More

You have permission

“Let me love.” I wrote this in my journal in big text. “You have permission.” My Self replied. The contradiction has become the paradox. I am experiencing harmony with my being, body, and Self. I feel beauty… More

The greatest of things

The greatest of things come from intense emotion — joy, bliss, pleasure, and gratitude as well as pain, anger, rage, and grief. (To name only a few.) I feel like I’m in transformation. I feel… More

My Human Failing – Pedestals

I do this weird human thing where I put people I perceive as perfect on a lofty pedestal. I say it’s a human thing to do because I know I’m not alone in comparing myself to others, and it’s something that weighs my spirit down. It seems like for every difference I find between this “perfect” person and me, which I translate as a shortcoming, there is a brick poorly cemented down increasing the height of this pedestal.

Have you heard the cliché about pedestals? It goes something like, “The higher the pedestal, the harder they fall”. (Hence, the poorly cemented brick.) Well, that’s been true in my life, and putting people up high –immediately or at all– is one of (my many) most stubborn human failings. It keeps me grounded and suppressed… but I’m working on it.

A friend keeps telling me to celebrate the growth instead of only focusing on how much more work I am still yet to do, so with that energy… I see I experience less dislike for the person that has fallen from perfection, in my eyes. It sucks to read it back to myself. It doesn’t feel good to set people up for failure like that, but it is what it is for now.

I intend to live by my recent Instagram profile description, “The divine in me sees the divine in you.” At least, as much as I consciously can. Rewiring and reconditioning human failings is like going to the chiropractor, you don’t go only once in your life. It feels good to go at least once a month. At least! So the our brain’s wiring has to be recurrently visited, examined, and refreshed, too.

I still have a notable amount of clean-up to do in the way I allow my excitement to get in the way of realistic expression of New Relationship Energy. Another human failing of mine… something to unravel in another post.

Yo, I appreciate you.

Peace. Love. Womb hugs.

Big Nugget

2 Children 1 Body

Today’s question came from the addicted-to-social-media part of me.

Who am I really trying to impress?

I posted a picture of my two Nuggets and me on Instagram today. The camera was on the ground angled up as all three of us looked the camera lens dead in the iris. The Nuggets straddling their bicycles and I was holding a skateboard.

One of my best friends commented, “Love how confident the Nuggets are in themselves already. They learn from the best.” This caressed my ego’s shoulder. Or so I thought it did. Are they really learning from the best? That damn self-doubt creeping in! But I’m breaking patterns, ya’ll. I stopped and felt how and where I felt this comment in my body, in my psyche, in my womb.

Turns out, this comment felt safe, warm, and trustworthy. It came from a solid source, someone who knows more than the social media version of me. The comment was an affirmation. I’ve been working on my individuality, self-love, and clarity of my truth and my Nuggets are reflecting that. I embrace it. I welcome it. I own it.

To answer the question of who I was trying to impress… no one. Impressing wasn’t even in the equation to the reasoning behind posting the picture, and that’s when I felt my Nuggets’ confidence reflect back to me. I’m one badass mother-loving cunt!

I harness the energy I wrote this post with and hold it here for you if you are open and willing to receive it. It’s good stuff, so I hope it reaches the right people. Psh, what am I talking about… it always does!

-Big Nugget

Not clear on what I’m doing here

As the title of this post says, I’m not clear on what I’m doing back here, blogging, telling you about my life, but here I am.
It’s wild to choose any of my posts to read back on and remember what it felt like to be in that chapter of my life, yet it still feels like I’m reading the words describing someone else’s life. It’s a descriptive visual of my own evolution.
I went back to read my “About Me”… the last time that was updated was when I was 27!! I am now on my way to a glorious 32. I wrote, “it was through my experiences as a mother that I truly found the optimist in me“. Although that’s partially true, now, I know there are many more layers to the journey I’ve navigated to find that optimist in me… and the pessimist, the goddess, the damsel in distress, the erotic creature, the the the.
And guess what? I’m doing way better to love them all than before.

This may turn into what my LiveJournal page once was — a virtual journal for anyone who resonates with me (or doesn’t) to find empathy and compassion in.

I know I’m not alone in this crazy, wild rollercoaster of a life, and neither are you.
I wish for you to find a level of solace here.

Thank you for existing in this space.

-Big Nugget