The Nuggets are in bed, my lover is showering, and I’m sitting on the kitchen floor at the time of writing. I’m still in my day’s clothes knowing I should be showering before it gets later, but I’m feeling too inspired and fulfilled to do anything other than write these emotions out.
I just realized, I’m on a birthday high. I have completed my 29th revolution around the magnificent star I am fortunate to wake up to every morning. I entered a new birth year. The weekend set in, I processed it, and I am feeling grateful for this growth in perspective.
If you read my past birthday posts, you’ll find I felt apprehensive about my birthday. That started when I became a mom. Once I had a daily visual reminder of how fast life moves along—regardless of anyone—facing my birthday every year felt like a hard pill to swallow. Facing my birthday every year reminded me that I was getting older, and so were my lover, my Nuggets, my parents, siblings, everyone I love and care for. Every birthday meant I had less time with these people.
I’ve never been great at handling the time leading up to the “see you later”. Even when my better half and I were dating, the hour or two before we parted were the worst. I’d be bitter our time together was almost over that I acted like a jerk. This is how I feel I have treated my birthday in the past.
If I recall correctly, my birthday perspective has shifted a little each year, and this year it continues shifting in the positive direction. I’m starting 29 with a stronger awareness that there is no going back to yesterday. There is no rewind or do-over. Whoever I love, I need to enjoy today. This birthday, I did just that. I am striving to continue doing it until my third decade.
We’ll see what clarity next year brings me.
Cheers to life!
First thing was first, I had to show gratitude to the one that gave me life, my mom. One carnation for every year. My lover and I took advantage of the visit and made ourselves Nugget-free. (Of course, it was pre-planned.)
Then, the homemade dehydrated mangoes were just the beginning.
My lover and I indulged in a little bit of the outdoors.
We couldn’t do an intense hike like I had originally wanted because of me passing out a couple of nights before.
My lover still made sure the sun kissed my skin and my camera lens shuttered.
It was beautiful, however, it was hard to ignore the smog layer over my home.
Regardless, I was grateful for the day.
We indulged in each other’s company all day.
I love my better half to pieces.
29, I welcome you with an open heart.
I indulged in my delicious birthday meal at Cici’s!
I was bummed that I didn’t remember to pack the appropriate lens.
Regardless, I was grateful.
Correct lens or not, fancy plans or not, all that really mattered to me was that we were celebrating together.
I can never ask for a better birthday present than to spend my day with only him.
The last time I remember giving a gift on Valentine’s Day was in high school when my hormones were flaring and I was boy-crazy. I don’t remember what I gifted or who I gave it to, but I know for sure that whatever it was, it was handmade. I’ve always enjoyed hand-making cards that took me hours to make. Seriously, some of them took me long enough to question why I was spending so much time on them. Then, in seeing the smiles they’d bring to their recipients’ faces, I’d remember why. There’s nothing sweeter to me than to know that someone put in time—whether five minutes, two hours, or more—to make something for me because they were thinking of me, but I’m just going off on a tangent here.
What’s my reason for not celebrating Valentine’s Day? I’ll answer this question with a question. Why celebrate loving people only one day out of the year? I get it, one day is better than none, but how about doing it more often ourselves? I don’t need a Hallmark holiday—even though its origins aren’t very Hallmarkish*—to tell or show someone that I love them. I’m slowly realizing that holidays make me want to go against the current and make them my own, especially because of how they’re commercialized.
I am making “Valentine’s Day” my own, however, it’ll be a yearlong celebration. I have been trying for years, but I don’t follow through with it. Now that I have a preschooler who’s more conscious of the world around him, I’ve decided to get better at following through. I am using today as a reminder to continue practicing my actions of love, or more like allowing it to be a fire under my butt to turn my words into actions. I intend on modeling loving family and friends, specifically to my Nuggets, by reaching out whenever I think of them. The best part is, showing love doesn’t have to be something elaborate or costly. I invite you to leave your money in your pocket and try one of these three simple ways yourself, not only today but tomorrow and the next day and the next.
1. Write a note. When I think about someone, I’m making the effort of writing them a note. If it’s someone I see often, I’ll hand it to them myself. If it’s someone a distance away, I’ll put it in the mail. (I know, I know, who has the time to go to the post office? But that’s it, it’s the labor of love. It’s taking the time to let someone know that they’re special to you.)
2. Make a phone call. If you really don’t have the time to look for an envelope, lick a stamp, and send the note off, consider making a call and personally letting that loved one know you are thinking of them. It doesn’t have to be a long call—I have to remind myself about this too. It’s the thought action that counts, right?
3. Send a text. If I’m really lacking time, which I know most of us are, I’ll send a text. Although I’ve listed this option last, I know it’s the one I’ll be using the most. Realistically, I can cover more people through text—I often have a lot of people in mind—than through delivering notes or making phone calls, but I also have to keep in mind that there are 365 days a year. If I reach out to one person a day, that’s a lot of love I’m sending out, and it doesn’t have to be concentrated all in one day.
What other simple ways would you add to this list? I’d love to incorporate more ways into my practice.
Cheers to loving all year long!
*If you’re interested in knowing the history Valentine’s Day and enjoy today, look it up tomorrow. Trust me. It’s a bit of a mood-killer.
Today is a special day. Today marks 29 years since my love came to physically exist on this earth. For those of you who don’t know Josh, let me tell you a little bit about him.
Josh is one of the most passionate people I know. He loves and cares with all of his heart. His ability to persevere through times of difficulty is incredible. He is a hobbyist, a DIY’er, and full of great ideas. He’s always willing to extend a hand and is a faithful friend. These are only some of his great qualities.
I could go on with why Josh is a great human being, but I actually wanted to use my love’s birthday to document a truncated version of the beginning of our story. I know I’ve already shared it with many, but I don’t have it documented anywhere other than my heart. (Quick disclaimer: I am a sappy person.) There is something about reading a love story; it transports you to another realm. No, I’m not saying that ours will do that for you, but it’s still our story. As I listen to John Legend’s 2004 “Get Lifted” album, I transport myself to the time when my love and I met.
The year is 2004. Josh and I were teenagers actively involved in our church’s youth ministry programs. We were chosen by our churches to attend the Christian Leadership Institute (CLI), a week-long leadership retreat held at St. Mary’s Seminary in Santa Barbara. We were there with at least 98 other teenagers, so Josh and I didn’t make communications right away. It wasn’t until day three of the retreat that we made meaningful contact.
It was lunchtime at the retreat center. Josh and I were sitting at different tables and lunch was just about over. People were getting up, cleaning and leaving, but I wasn’t done eating. Everyone at my table had left—including a so-called “friend”—leaving me feeling like I wore a giant “L” on my forehead. (Being popular was one of the most important things at that age. Being a loner wasn’t.) As I tried working through the humiliation—I see it differently now—Josh came over and sat with me until I finished. If I was writing a fiction based on our story, I would’ve described him as a knight in shining armor.
Fast-forwarding, we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend—that sounds so cute!—almost two months after meeting. It would’ve been sooner, but I’m happy Josh asked me when we saw each other in person. See, he was from and lived in Orange County, and I was from and lived in Los Angeles County. We didn’t have cell phones, kept in contact through email, and were regulars on AOL Instant Messenger (aka AIM). (Yes, I totally had the alarms on for Josh.)
The only times we would really get to see each other was at Disneyland; he lived about fifteen minutes from it and I could use going to Disneyland as an excuse to see him. (You didn’t have to pay a limb to get in back then.) The distance between us and our parentals’ strictness wasn’t ideal for our dating situation. We dated for about eight months before I allowed the distance to get to me, which led to our break up. I had broken up with Josh, but had failed to move on.
Fast forward a year. I never got “over him”(…obviously). I began stalking him on Myspace until I got back in communication with him. There was a lot of emotion that resurfaced during this time, not many rainbows and butterflies since there was healing to be done from our previous relationship. Plus, we were at very different points in our lives. We were no longer teenagers who were youth leaders at church. We were young adults trying to find ourselves. I was living in Santa Barbara for college—I still find it beautiful that I ended up living close to where we met—and he was in Long Beach.
With the help of my tenacity, I was able to convince Josh that a second time at a relationship with me would be a good idea. ::insert winking emoji:: On New Years of 2007, we consciously decided to befriend the distance between us and become a couple once again. We visited each other traveling the Amtrak and Metro lines to and from Santa Barbara and Long Beach. Sometimes we were lucky enough to get a direct ride from friends.
This time around, we made it work.
Our road to now has not been easy. We’ve been through a lot together, makes sense considering we’ve been together almost a decade. Josh has been through my depression, a horrible car accident, family drama, a mini-stroke, dropping out of college, career changes, and so much more with me. He has stood firmly by my side and has never thought twice about holding my hand through it all.
As I bring our story to a close (for now), “So High” is playing. John Legend sings sweetly in my ears. I feel indescribably grateful for the man God connected me with in this lifetime. I’m confident that we will continue finding each other in other lifetimes.
“Let’s go to the moon baby.” Happy birthday my love!
– Big Nugget
Day 4 – Some of my favorite things about Josh (in no particular order): He’s a foodie, he can beatbox, he’s a lover of animals and plants, and he can build bicycles.
The Nugget Life 